33 Reasons Why

Reason 32

Reason 32: Is it selfish for wanting the best for us?

"If you love someone, set them free. And if they come back to you, you are meant to be."

Love is a four letter word that holds a large meaning. Where it possess all the true meaning of friendship, relationship and adoration. Some people may take 'love' in a wrong way and think they are in love with someone when they are just in love with the memory or idea of someone.

And that's what I've been thinking about lately.

Am I in love with her or am I in love with the memory?

It's been a few weeks since the last talk we had and I've been thinking really hard about what would happen to us. I don't want to lose her.

I don't want to lose her because I know when I lose her - I'll lose a part of me. She's a great person that I never want to lose. I made the mistake once and I'm not doing it anymore.

I decide I'll let her go. I'll set her free and find myself again. Regain my composure and find out what I want in my life because my life has been messy.

Going in the wrong direction since we broke off our friendship and I want to gain back the thing that had been strong, our friendship.

Maybe we'll never be the same as we were but staying friends with someone that means so much to me is better than nothing. Where we both would go on our separate ways and maybe say hi to each other when we see or bump to each other.

Go on lunch with each other after not seeing each other for a long time since we were busy with our own life.

I am set on one journey and I'm being selfless.

I'm set on making myself better for the next and maybe, we both would laugh along when we think about this again.

The first step is forgiving myself.

I've forgiven myself that I messed up with her, with my life and with everything that I ruined. I've come to learn that everyone makes mistakes and it's okay to disappoint yourself once in a while. We tend to ruin something before it ever starts so right now, I'm going with the flow. The flow of this journey to where it would lead me.

The second step is to let go of the past.

I've realised that I've been clinging onto the past for too long that I wasn't focus on setting out my future. I've been looking back of my regrets and mistakes when I don't even enjoy what life has got to offer me. In everything we do, it requires effort. Effort to make something better. The effort to change something into something better.

The final step is to believe.

To believe that God knows the best for us.  After so many things that happened, this quote finally makes so much sense:

"You're going to be okay."

I originally thought it wouldn't. That it wouldn't work for me since I've messed up quite a lot of things in my life. But now I'm able to tell myself that giving up is the last option I have.

I have went through so much to get here and why give up when I've reached this far? Life is an endless journey with an endless trial of problems that makes you realize that you are alive.

We all make mistakes and it's okay.

I messed up with her and it's okay.

So I'm letting go of her, letting go of the past and letting go of myself by finding the true self that have been hidden by this awful looking image.