33 Reasons Why

Reason 25

Reason 25: Is this where I give it all up?

22:34pm

Kade: Hi

Kade: I know it's rude but can you come down to the tree that we planted before?

Seen at 22:36pm

I sighed.

Kade: I'll be waiting.

I made my way to the tree as I gathered up all my thoughts and courage to talk to her, later on.

I chuckled to myself, it's been an hour. She still haven't come. Is this how she felt when I stood her up and ditched her?

God, if this is how it feels, it feels so terrible.
I had hurt her in many ways possible. Now she's happy and I can't accept it.

I think I really lost it.

"Kade?" A voice broke me out from my day-dreaming.

"Mom?" I said as I saw her looking at me. "What's wrong?"

"Are you going to stay like this forever?" She asked.

"Like what?" I replied.

"A wreck that had his love rejected him," she said.

"Mom, you don't-,"

"I do understand. It's your fault and you need to accept the fact that you had blow it off and let her go."

"My fault?" My eyes widened from her statement. "Why does everyone feels like there's a need to remind me it's my fault every single fucking time?"

I paused and took a deep breath. "I realized it's my fault and I still can't forgive myself if everyone around me keeps reminding me of the one thing I've lost!" I shouted, my voice cracking.

"Mom, it's not easy. It's not easy that I can't take her in and tell her how much I love her and I'm sorry for messing everything up," I said as tears were falling down.

"I'm a fucking destroyer and that's all I can ever be."