33 Reasons Why

Reason 30

Listen to Strong by One Direction

Reason 30: You make me strong.

Today was a big day – for me, at least. I found out she had been invited by her friends to the bar that I was going to sing for tonight. The day I would promote my completed song. I don't know which one is more nerve-wrecking – singing my first complete song or singing in front of her.

I was scrolling endlessly through my Instagram feed when the MC called out my cue for me to sing in front. I took a deep breath and took my guitar along with me.

I searched in the crowds before my gaze was locked into the familiar eyes of home,

"Hello everyone," I said, scanning the crowd. "I'll be singing the first song that I had completed and honestly, I had no idea what was I going write," I paused. "Before I experienced the loss of someone that meant so much to me," My eyes locked into her eyes, "This song is dedicated to one of the audience present tonight."

I took a sigh before singing,

My hands, your hands tied up like two ships,

Drifting, weightless, waves tryna break it,

I'd do anything to save it,

Why is it so hard to save it?

It's true that I had messed up a lot in our friendship and seeing her now, makes me want to go back to the past and fixed everything right along to the place. There's countless events that broke us and I never really had the chance to save it – guess, it was too vulnerable.

I'm sorry that if I say I need ya,

But I don't care, I'm not scared of love,

Cause when I'm not with you, I'm weaker,

Is that so wrong?

Is it so wrong?

Cause you make me strong

After losing her, made me realize how she was the saving grace and she was the ultimate weapon that I needed to get through the day. Without her – I just feel so lost. Like, there's nothing really much left and I'm trying to search what is the lost there but then now I realized, it was her all along. It was her that made me feel completed.

Think of how much love that's been wasted,

People always try to escape it,

Move on to stop their heartbreaking,

But there's nothing I'm running from,

You make me strong

When I think back of how pathetic I was 3 years ago, I'd always beat myself up for it. I should've been a man and confess my true feelings to Esther. If I did, none of these would happen. She wouldn't be gone and our friendship wouldn't be broken. I always try to escape all the obstacles that were thrown to me- the heartbreaks, events that occurs and pain that I never wanted to suffer from. Now that I realized I've been running too far, I'm back. I'm back for the game and I'm back to win her back.

So baby hold on to my heart,

Need you to keep me from falling apart

The one year proved so much that without her, I wouldn't feel completed. I know this is a selfish act but I need her. I want her. I'm done beating around the bush and I'm done letting other man touching her – instead of me. She was the one who put me on my feet and kept up with all the bullshits that life threw to me and then I threw to her. She never gave up on me so I'll never give up on her.

As the song reaches to the end, I closed my eyes and looked for her again. She was staring me with her brown eyes, "This is for you, Esther. I love you and I'm sorry."

With one last look, she turned her back on me and walked away. And I ran down the stage and followed her all through outside.