Tutoring (Destiel)

Chapter Thirty Six

I wrote this pretty fast, so there are probs spelling errors. Apologies in advance. Sorry this took forever. I have finals and countless other school shit... Anyway...enjoy...

The next month passed by in a blur.

Castiel could honestly say that there was nothing to enjoy about that time...sure there wasn't anything terrible either, but it was like he was just going through the moments. Crowley & Co. didn't show up and school went back to a normal, boring, monotonous pace. Of course Dean was always there, beside him, comforting him, just being there in general.

He found a job, it was terrible. It meant time away from Dean and more stress.

Also, Castiel was starting to get more panic attacks.

He didn't tell Dean, and he hoped and prayed he wouldn't have one in front of him. Castiel knew Dean wouldn't think any less of him and that he would even help him when he was having one (he had proved that already...too many times in Castiel's book), but it was something for Castiel, he just didn't want to cloud what little time he actually saw Dean in between his new job and school with a fucking panic attack. It didn't actually stop them though, Castiel knew that. You cant just will away a panic attack.

It was always worse when Castiel had a late shift. Being a teenager at work meant he was stuck with the shit jobs. This included late shifts, which was okay considering he had some time to do homework and be with Dean before he had to show up, but it left him with little sleep before school started the next day. He should be glad though, his job was actually pretty good, more so when you took in the fact that Castiel was an emancipated teenager. Although being completely honest when his boss found out that he was trying to get custody of his brothers after an abusing guardian, and looked at his grades in the college courses he took; Castiel was almost handed the job.

Still that's not what he was thinking when he came home at eleven, microwaving the dinner the rest of the house hold had eaten hours before (they always left a plate for him when he worked late). That's also not what he was thinking when he was eating said food alone at the table in the dim light of the one working bulb. I need  to remember to fix that. And thats especially not what he was thinking when he enter his room, seeing Dean sleeping in the bed that was originally given to Castiel. He didn't care, but he never would crawl into bed with him. Would he feel better if he did? Yeah, probably. But did he? Never.

So he slept in the other bed...only that's not what he did. His panic worsened at night, alone. He would cry silently, his form shaking in the dark, not heard by Dean in the separate bed. He wished he could explain it, but he couldn't. It was like everything would crash down on him right before he wanted to drift off into a dreamless sleep. The things he made peace with resurfaced, the things he was afraid of presented themselves, and he just wanted it all to stop...

He would go to sleep early in the morning to be woken up a few hours later. Dean would shake his shoulder, telling him he had to get ready for school, because there's still that  hell hole. Dean would ask why Castiel decided to sleep in the other bed instead of join him, Castiel would say he didn't want to be a bother, and Dean would always return that he could never be a bother even if he tried.

I really don't deserve you.

Dean's words would change anything though, Castiel would still sleep in the other bed, going on a few mere hours of sleep, and waking up to Dean, hoping he thought the puffiness of his eyes was from sleep, not crying.

Then there was Gabriel and Balthazar.

All three of them had decided to meet up for lunch. It was at a fast food place, they were eating at catching up, the foster parents had said they could just take the car, apparently they didn't want to disrupt a "special family moment" as Balthazar had told him they said.

"Adam and Anna are pretty nice. They're weird though, like they're trying too hard." Balthazar had said as he had a mouthful of fries.

"Yeah, I don't like them." Gabriel told him. Castiel had asked what he didn't like about them. "It's nothing in particular, it's just like if we were the same age I would never hang out with them. They're just the type of people I try to avoid." Castiel didn't completely understand what Gabriel meant by that, but wasn't about to begin to think he could ever fathom what Gabriel thought on a daily basis.

"Well hopefully it won't be too long. I got a job." Balthazar asked how he liked it. Castiel said he didn't, but it didn't matter if he did or not, because it would help get them back.

After that it was small talk. There were jokes and they filled Castiel in in everything they were doing. Balthazar wasn't that much of a mystery, despite being in different grades they still went to the same school and tried to talk when they could, but it was nothing like it was in the restaurant. Most of Balth's life was a mystery now, and Gabriel's was even more so. Castiel asked who the guy Gabe was crushing of was, which only made his face turn red as he sputtered, "W-what?! It's- it's no one, Cassie!" The older brothers laughed at his reaction.

"He dumped kalí, though." Balthazar said through a laugh. Castiel turned his eyes to Gabe.

"Really?"

Gabriel scratched his neck, face still red. "Yeah, it wasn't really working out. Her beauty was only skin deep. She was kind of a bitch." Castiel laughed, as did Balthazar.

"A hot bitch though." Balthazar said.

Gabriel shrugged, "That is true." Castiel looked at the time and realized he had to get ready for work soon.

Their meeting ended nice and Castiel could honestly say it was the best part of the month. He walked them out and hugged them goodbye, saying it wouldn't be long before they were together again. Gabriel started walking to the car while Balthazar hovered for a moment.

"Hey, Cassie?" He spoke.

"Yeah?" Castiel returned a bit confused.

"I found out who Gabe likes." Castiel smiled.

"Who's that?" Balthazar laughed.

"Well let's just say you're not the only one crushing on a Winchester." Castiel's jaw fell open slightly and Balthazar fucking cackled. He better be talking about Sam and not Dean. Castiel thought.

"See you later, Cassie." Balthazar smiled, waving goodbye.

Castiel watched them leave, headed to his car, and went to get ready for work.

Actually, Gabe and Sam would be a cute couple.