Castiel didn't know what he expected to happen next. He had never had a panic attack in front of another person before. Don't pity me. He thought. Don't talk about it. Please don't talk about. He glanced passed his arms to look at Dean. He looked calm. His back was leaning against the metal wall of the stall. He was digging through his backpack at the moment, his eyes turned away, which Castiel was glad for....he didn't want Dean to be looking at him.
Dean grabbed a sharpie from the front pocket of his backpack, pulling it out with a smile. Castiel wanted to ask what he was doing, but no words passed his lips. Dean turned to face the wall, tugging the cap off of the marker. He started writing on the stall. Castiel had to lean forward a bit to see clearly...they were song lyrics.
We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Pink Floyd, Castiel thought to himself. Dean turned back, catching Castiel staring at him/the wall, he gave a little smirk.
"Had that song stuck in my head the whole day." Dean comments. Castiel nods his head, he remembered hearing it this morning, although he wasn't paying close attention to the radio. Dean stood up and admired his work from a different angle. Castiel liked Dean's handwriting, it was sharp and small, and leaned a little bit to the right. "You wanna write something?" Dean asked, sticking the marker out towards Castiel. He shook his head. Dean handed the marker to him anyway, telling him to draw something.
Castiel sat still for a moment, looking between he sharpie and Dean. He was just beginning to realize how close they were in the small bathroom stall. He felt a bit claustrophobic. Dean just stared at him. Castiel slowly got up and moved past Dean, going over to the wall he wrote on, he touched the tip of the marker to the painted metal. This is stupid, it's just going to get painted over....plus I could get in trouble.
Castiel felt Dean come up next to him; he could feel the small amount of heat radiating off of Dean. Castiel glance over his shoulder to see green eyes sparkling. Castiel felt a blush creep up his cheeks and neck, do we need to have a conversation about personal space? He thought it over for a second, actually, you know what, I don't mind him being this close. Castiel started to make a line.
The line slowly but surly turned into a cat...and not a cartoon one either, but an very realistic one. Dean mostly just looked between the drawing and Cas in shock.
"I didn't know you can draw." Dean finally days when Castiel finished. Castiel shrugs and recaps the marker. He turns around, facing Dean, their faces are close. Too close, Castiel thinks. I could just...lean in...he could just lean in...it would be so easy...
It's not though, not for Castiel. His eyes to linger on the taller boys lips, they're pink and they look soft. Dean stares too, both of their faces are pink, and neither of them look each other in the eye.
"Here." Castiel stuck the sharpie out, handing it back to Dean. Dean looked down at it, then smiled and reached for it. His hand wrapped around the plastic and his fingers ran over Castiel's. Deans smile turned into a smirk, almost like he knew what he was doing to Castiel, which wouldn't be surprising since Castiel's face flushed a deep shade of red.
"Thanks." Dean returned, sticking the marker into his pocket. Castiel nodded, turning his head away. He decided it was about time to go, they had been siting and drawing in silence for almost the whole period, so Castiel reached for his backpack, which he only just realized he had taken off. Dean watched Castiel go out the door, and then grabbed his bag, slinging it over one of his shoulders. Castiel stopped by the sink, waiting for Dean to catch up.
Dean only stepped past the door of the stall when he started to talk.
"Hey, Cas?" Castiel looked back and asked what Dean wanted. "About earlier..." Those were the words Castiel dreaded; he lowered his head. "What was that?" Castiel shook his head.
"I don't know."
His voice was weak and frail, Dean knew he was lying.
"It was like, a panic attack, right?" Castiel shrugged. Dean walked to face Castiel even though their eyes didn't meet. "Cas?"
Castiel looked up at Dean. "I have no idea, Dean."
"What caused it?"
Castiel fiddles with the hem of his shirt, not wanting to, and not knowing how to respond. Dean reached out put his hand on Castiel's shoulder, trying to comfort him. Castiel gazed downward again.
"I just want to help." Dean added. I know, Castiel wanted to say. I know, but you can't help, I'm fucked up...I'm long past gone, Dean. You made a huge mistake trying to be my friend, I'll only let you down. I'm sorry.
Castiel still didn't say anything.
A moment passed where neither of them moved. Castiel was thinking of what he could say...how he'd apologize...for everything he's done, all the times he's been a burden, how he is a burden.
Castiel didn't realize he was crying until Dean lifted his head and wiped away a tear. "It's okay, Cas. You don't have to be alone, okay?"
Castiel didn't respond. He felt another tear fall down his cheek, Dean quickly swiped it away, then pulled him in for a hug. Castiel couldn't return it, he was too shocked and felt too pathetic. Dean didn't let up though, Castiel buried his face into the crook of Deans neck, and Dean put his hand on top of Castiel's head, rubbing the boys dark hair through his fingers.
"It'll be alright, Cas. It'll be okay."
Deans voice was hushed, just a whisper pressed against Castiel's ear. Castiel lifted his arms and wrapped them around Deans middle, keeping his head down. Dean mumbled a few more comforting words, then pressed a his lips gently against the crown of Castiel's head. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean tighter, almost trying to use him as an anchor, hoping he won't fall down into a pit of self loathing. It's okay, Dean's here, it'll be okay, Castiel tried to assure himself.
"I'm here for you, Castiel." Dean whispered softly.
"...thank you."
YOU ARE READING
Tutoring (Destiel)
Fanfiction"So, I know Mr. Shurley said this was for English," Dean spoke, making Castiel's stomach flutter. How could a voice do that? He thought. "But I was going to ask you to- uh-" he rummaged in his backpack and took out a crumbled piece of paper. "Do you...
