Tutoring (Destiel)

Chapter Thirty Eight

I was on vacation...sorry. 

Castiel had another court hearing. Michael wasn't there, but Gabriel and Balthazar came with the foster parents. The judge recognized the hard work that Castiel was doing, but said that he couldn't give Castiel custody of his brothers in good conscious. He just didn't have the money to support them. Or a home. Or the mental capacity. The judge didn't directly say that last one, although he implied it. He wasn't surprised by what they judge ruled, he expected it, but it still hurt to know he couldn't be there for his brothers. The judge did say that there was always a possibility of changing the ruling when Castiel showed proof that he was able to provide a healthy environment for his brothers. 

Castiel wasn't sure it was worth trying anymore. 

Maybe they're better off without me. 

The foster parents came to talk to Castiel after the hearing. They said they knew about his past and thought he was very brave. They also said that they would help him in any way that they could and that they enjoy having Balthazar and Gabe around. He thanked them and said that he was glad. He didn't know what else to say, in part he resented them for having his brothers, but they were helping, caring, doing the things Michael should've, and the things Castiel couldn't. 

Castiel didn't spend a lot of time talking to his brothers. He wanted to, but at the same he didn't. They were sad that he lost...again. They were happy to see him, as always. Castiel could tell that they just wanted thing to be normal. He just wanted to be able to give them that. 

Dean gave Castiel a ride home. The car was silent for the most part, Castiel didn't really feel like talking and Dean respected that, not forcing him to do anything he didn't want to do. 

When they got back to the salvage yard Castiel went to their room and collapsed on his bed.He sighed and closed his eyes. Dean got on the bed and laid down next to him. Dean was looking at Castiel's profile from his position. He lifted his hand to brush a stray strand of hair from his face, he was just noticing how long Castiel's hair was getting. 

"Sorry about today. I know you tried really hard." Dean said in a calming voice. Castiel opened his eyes and turned to face Dean. 

"Do you think I should stop?" Castiel asked. Dean looked surprised.  

"What do you mean?" 

"Stop trying." Castiel clarified. "Are they better off in that home? Without me?" Dean shook his head. 

"I can't make that decision for you, Cas." He frowned. "I'm sorry." Castiel sighed. 

"It's just that I feel like nothing matters, you know?" Castiel turned to look upward. "Like it doesn't matter how hard I try. I'll just fail. It doesn't matter how much I want something. I'll never get it." 

"You got me." 

Castiel gave a laugh. 

"I suppose that's true." 

"And you have us; Bobby, Sam, your brothers. Even if they're not here, they're there for you. I promise. We love you, Castiel. I love you." Castiel looked at Dean and blushed. How does he know what to say? 

"I know." Castiel smiled. "I love you too." Dean paused for a moment, almost shocked by the words, then he burst into a huge smile and blushed. Castiel wondered why Dean was having such a strange reaction. Before he could ask Dean wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in Castiel's neck. Castiel laughed, returning the hug. "What are you doing?" Castiel asked. 

Dean didn't respond, instead he moved to where he was straddling Castiel; each leg on either side of Castiel's hips. Castiel was amused by what Dean was doing even though he didn't understand it. 

Dean lifted his head from the crook of Castiel's neck. "Dean?" Castiel questioned. The blush on Dean's face subsided a bit. 

"I'm sorry." Dean responded with a smile. "It's just that that was the first time you said you loved me." Castiel smiled. He didn't even realize, he had thought the words so much it just felt normal to speak them aloud. 

"Well it's true." He laughed. "And was that you swooning?" 

Dean laughed and leaned down to press his forehead against Castiel's. 

"Definitely." Dean smiled. "I'm successfully swooned." 

The pair quieted down a bit, relaxing into each other's space. Dean lifted his head to stare into Castiel's eyes. Castiel kept the contact for a few seconds, but any longer and he felt vulnerable and wanted to look away. The silence mixed with eye contact was just uncomfortable if it lasted too long. That and Dean Winchester was on top of him. Dean seemed to understand though and bent down to press his lips against Castiel's. He hummed and his smile widened as Castiel kissed back, lifting himself off the bed and resting his hands on Dean's back. 

After a few seconds Dean flipped them over and Castiel pulled away with a confused expression. 

"Oh, I'm on top now?" Castiel asked. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him down. 

"You should rest." Dean responded. Castiel sighed. "I'm serious, Cas, you've been through a lot. And I know you're not getting enough sleep. And," Dean dragged himself away from Castiel for a bit, poking him in the stomach, "have you been eating enough?" Castiel stared at Dean for a second, then kissed him quickly. 

"I'm fine, Dean. I promise." 

Dean hugged him again and rolled sideways so that they were both laying on their sides and looking at each other. 

"I still think we should sleep." Dean said. "I know that I am at least tired." Dean closed his eyes and buried his face in Castiel's neck. Castiel was getting used to this position. "Why are court dates so early. It's the weekend and they expected me to get up earlier than I do for school." He grumbled. "And Sam got to sleep in." Dean looked up at Castiel. "It was worth it though, I did say I would always be there for you." Dean kissed Castiel and smiled. 

"Thank you." Castiel returned. "And if we are going to sleep you need to turn off the lights." Dean laughed and got up. Making his way to the light switch. 

"You got it, babe."