Tutoring (Destiel)

Chapter Twenty Three

Dean eventually went to his own bed and fell asleep. Castiel stopped doing his homework after that, he practically stopped when Dean said he wanted to be near him, but he tried to go on. In the end he only got one page of problems done when he was suppose to do three, but he always had study hall to hurriedly scramble his way through the extra two pages and to read a whole chapter for history.

He really did want to finish his homework, but Dean was sleeping right across from him. How could anyone focus? He wondered. He took out his phone and scrolled through some social media app, he wasn't actually looking at it, he just thought it felt less creepy. I have my phone out...I'm looking at this picture of a cat in a spinning chair...I'm definitely not looking at how Dean's shirt rides up just above his waistband...

Oh, God.

Castiel sighed and stood up. He started to wander through the house; he saw Bobby looking through some old books with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He saw Sam and Gabriel watching some television show. And he saw Balthazar doing his homework.

Castiel decided to sit with Balthazar. He hadn't really talked with him since they left Michael, so he thought he might as well try. Balthazar was still focused on doing his homework when Castiel sat next to him.

"Need any help?" Balthazar looked over and shrugged.

"We're doing a short story unit. I have to read this," he held up a small pile of papers, "then write a story no longer than five pages integrating the authors writing style and literary themes in my own story." He sounded annoyed, bored, and exasperated. Castiel nodded. He remembered doing the project when he was Balthazar's age.

"What story did you read?"

"Beyond the Wall by Ambrose Bierce."

"What's that about."

"Like a dude who falls in love with a chick, but is too much of a coward to talk to her, so he knocks on the wall that connects his room to hers. And she knocks back, but then she stops knocking and he thinks she abandoned him, so he's depressed for a bit. But then the knocking comes back and he didn't knock back because he's angry that she ignored him. In the end the girl was sick and died and her last, like, movement was to knock to her love."

"That's sad."

"Yeah, I think the dude dies at the end too...it was pretty vague."

"What are you going to write about?"

"I don't know. Something about ghosts."

"Ghosts?"

"Yeah, well the chick assumedly comes back and knocks on the walls of the main guy's house...so....yeah." Castiel nods, but honestly doesn't heer stand a word of whatever Balthazar just said. He's good at English and he can write a decent story, but the author and story Balthy chose seemed a little confusing and hard to take inspiration from.

Balthazar glanced up from his little pile of papers and looked at Castiel. There was a short moment of pause between the two, Balthazar's eyes scanned over Castiel quickly, and Castiel sat there, next to his brother, confused. Balthazar finally shifted in a way that showed he had decided something.

"Are you okay?" Balthazar asked. Castiel say back in surprise.

"What? Why do you ask?" Castiel seemed too defensive. Balthazar squinted at Castiel suspiciously.

"You didn't answer my question." Balthazar responded. "But I'm asking because you look tired. Have you been sleeping well? Did something happen?" Castiel knew Balthazar was some what aware he had panic attacks, or at least he knew that sometimes after Michael would yell at him he'd go to the bathroom and lock himself in. Balthazar never asked about it, which Castiel was grateful for, but he'd always make sure Castiel was at least alright, which almost made Castiel mad. It's my job to look after you and your brother. You shouldn't need to make sure I'm okay.

"I'm fine Balth. You don't need to worry about it."

"If I don't need to worry about it, does that mean something did happen?" Balthazar asked quickly. Castiel shook his head and decided to change the subject.

"Did Gabe talk to you?" Balthazar noticed the avoidance of their previous topic, but didn't push it.

"You mean about him liking a dude and his girlfriend at the same time?" Castiel nodded his head. "Yeah he told me about it, I said it was kinky." Castiel wanted to ask if Balthazar even knew what a kink was.

"Did you give any real advice?" Balthazar laughed and shrugged.

"I asked which one he liked more." Castiel waited for an elaboration.

"And..?"

"He never responded, he said he'd think about it." Castiel said it was just like Gabriel, he never thought things through all the way; he liked short cuts and quick answers. Castiel was about to say goodbye and head back to his room to try and do homework (despite the fact he knew he wouldn't be able to focus), but Balthazar stopped him with another utterance.

"What do you think Michael would say about Gabe's sexuality?" The question surprised Castiel. He thought Mike would be an 'out of bounds' topic of conversation. He wanted Mike to be a forbidden topic... He didn't want to think about him in their lives again.

"I don't think he'd find out about it." Castiel returned. Gabe wouldn't tell him, neither of us would, in fact Gabriel probably only felt comfortable telling us because Michael isn't here.

"Like he didn't find out about you?" Castiel decided he could never just expect something from his brothers or the Winchesters ever again. They always said something that threw him off. He wasn't out...technically... he wasn't keeping it a secret from Gabriel or Balthazar. It just never came up, especially when they lived with Michael.

"Yeah, well, Michael and me weren't on the best of terms, imagine what he'd do if he found out." Balthazar looked away.

"You know I- I didn't know...or, I mean I did, sort of...I didn't- I don't know -I didn't think it was as had as it was. With him and you I mean. I just- I thought..." He paused, "I don't know what I thought...I should've known though." Castiel shook his head.

"Don't blame yourself Balth." Balthazar glanced up at him.

"I was too scared....I still am...I don't want to go back with him. What if I have to go back with him?" His words were rushed and his tone broke on the last sentence. It sounded like he was at the brink of tears. Castiel moved closer to him.

"You don't need to be scared anymore. I'll make sure you won't have to live with him, I won't let that happen, you're going to be fine, okay?" Castiel thought back to him and Dean in the bathroom of his school for a second. "Michael won't have us again."

A tear dripped from Balthazar's cheek and Castiel moved to wipe it away.

"I'm still scared."

"That's okay. It's okay to be scared. Just know that as long as I'm here, Michael won't be." Balthazar nodded his head sheepishly, suddenly looking younger than he really was. "Good," Castiel wrapped a gentle hand around Balthazar's shoulders, embracing him in a warm hug. "Now you should rest, your story can wait."