He Gave Me Love

"waaa! wa wa waaaaa!"

That right there was the cry of my baby boy Javion or Jay for short. He's the love of my life... even if he is a rape baby.

I stood up, walked to his crib, and picked him up. "Aww, shh it's okay." I said as I rocked him. "let's feed mama's baby." I cooed over him.

Okay wait! Pause! Let me explain!

My name is Adrianna Angel Stevenson. I'm 17 years old and I live with my mom. I have a nine month old baby boy named Javion Ryan Stevenson.

Now hold on before you go judging me. I was raped by my mother's ex boyfriend Alvarez. I know right! What kind of first name is that? Well that was his name and I hate him. The only thing I thank him for is my son.

My mother and I live in a two bedroom home in Philly. Therefore Jay sleeps in my room in his crib.

Yes, just so you know, I do go to school. I currently attend Philadelphia Central High School. Stupid name right? Yeah I know.

While I'm in school, my mom takes care of Jay and goes to work when I get home. It works for the both of us, so that's good.

I don't have a job yet, but I do bring in money from the hair, nails, and makeup I do on the side. I bring in about 200 dollars a week. The money I make helps my mom with the bills, food and clothes for the three of us, and diapers for Jay. Basically my mom and I split everything.

My dad was never in my life. My mom said he left the day she told him she was pregnant. Ha! What a dead beat. I did ask my mom who he was and she said his name was Kevin Fernando. Sooner or later I'll try to look for him so I can talk to him about not being a real man, and not helping my mother and being a father.

When I get older, I really want to be an OBGYN. I feel like it would be such a blessing being able to help bring new life into the world. Besides, it's a good paying job. Trust me, we need the money.

Anyway, where was I? I go to school, live with my mom blah blah blah. OH! The dad thing. Well as a result of not having a dad to show me what love is, I look for it "in the wrong places" as my mom would say.

Most of the boys I meet don't want to date a 17 year old girl with a baby. I haven't had a boyfriend in a while. My very first boyfriend's name was Alvaro Hernandez. We dated when I was 14 and he was 15.

We broke up because he believed a rumor that wasn't true. He was my first love and he broke my heart but it's all good. He left me for my best friend or should I say ex best friend and now she's pregnant and he wants me back because she's being a pain in the butt to him. That's what his stupid self gets.

All I really want is the love from a man I never got. My mom says I should wait until I'm older, but I see all these couples kissing and holding each other and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because I know I don't have what they have. And it breaks my heart because I'm afraid my son will grow up without a father figure too. I don't want him to have to go through what I went and still am going through.

Okay! Continue reading! Thanks for letting me explain!

I went downstairs to fix Jay a bottle. He's a really good baby. I love the fact that he doesn't cry a lot. He does wake me up every morning at 5:30 though.

"Okay, here we go sweety." I gave him his bottle and he quieted down quick. A few minutes later my mom came downstairs.

"GoodMorning to both of my babies." She said as she kissed our cheeks.

"GoodMorning mom but uhh, why are you up so early? It's not even 6 yet."

"I heard Jay cry and it woke me up."