I Don't Want to Hurt You! (Antisepticeye/Jacksepticeye X Reader) [ BEING EDITED]

Falling Apart

** Sean's perspective **

My heart ached in my chest as I escorted Y/N to their apartment. We said our goodbyes, and I stuffed my hands in my pockets. I prayed that Y/N wouldn't see me as some insensitive asshole who wouldn't tell them the truth first. I leaned against my door as I shut it behind me. I slowly closed my eyes, and breathed in and out. When did everything get so messed up? Ever since I cut my eye, nothing has been the same.

Slowly checking my phone, I saw Signe was still blowing up. I sighed and decided to call her. I raised my phone to my face, the cold glass a reminder of why I needed to let go.

" Sean! Oh, it's so good to hear from you!" She exploded.

" I want you to forget about me." I declared, squeezing my eyes tight.

" Oh, you still think that man is not you?" Signe said, sighing.

" He's not!" I defended.

She chuckled. " Well, I want to come over, whether or not he is there."

" Don't say that!" I shouted. " He's making me a monster!"

" No! I just... I just want you back..." Signe spaced.

I bit my tongue to stop the tears. " I want you here, in my arms, every single second. But I can't. I know... I know that this is hard, but it's hard for me too-" I started.

She interrupted, " Then why can't we? You can't keep pretending that something makes you who you are!"

" It's not me!" I yelled. " It's him! The demon that controls me!"

Then, all I heard was the too familiar sound of her hanging up. The beeps mocked my ears, signaling a sign of defeat and utter disappointment. 

Tears welled up in the corners of my mouth. My head blurred together, sending me signals to just scream. To shout as loud as I can because of the anger and sadness lying over my heart. So, I caved in. I shouted and chucked my phone a considerable distance across my apartment. I fell onto my couch and rolled into a ball. I heard the constant splash of my salty tears collide with the leather cushions.

"Why?! Why would this happen to me?!" I cried to myself. " What punishment is this so that I can't have anyone close."

I wrapped my arms around my legs and hugged myself to my torso. It felt comforting. To be enveloped in some kind of embrace. I wished she was her to hold me. But if she did, I would be holding her dead body in my arms, and with that thought, I would rather be alone.

I had still sobbed, with my breaths shortened and sharp. My nose was leaking down my upper lip, and my entire body was quaking. I couldn't understand. In fact, no one could understand.

Nightmare would never let me be happy. Could I live like that? 

Slowly but surely, I got my breathing regular, and my tears stopped falling. My face was raw from wiping it so much with my sleeve, especially around my nose. And, I hadn't moved from that exact same spot for what seemed like hours. My eyes drooped and blocked my vision. My body ached, just wanting rest. My brain seemed like it never slept, and never intended on doing so.

Minutes felt like entire days. With time, my brain was tired of running in circles. My heart was tired of hurting. My arms were tired of holding me together. My legs were tired of carrying me. My eyelids obeyed and shut like clamps.