The Aviators (A7X)

"I don't want to read this...seriously."

It's been a few days since I wrote that little message in my journal, and something's changed between Matt and me. I wouldn't say it's bad, or good. More like Switzerland. Hah, if you don't get that, then I have to ask you, were you under a rock your whole life? I mean, I'm a slave and even I know that Switzerland is neutral territory. Anyway, Matt's just doing what he usually does...at least on the surface. The guys have been in and out, I've even hung out with Michelle again. But, there's just something between us that wasn't there before.

There's this...tension...and I have to admit, it worries me a little. I've been extra vigilant, y'know? Rule number three – pay attention. But, I can't seem to pin down what he's thinking or feeling. He's like a closed book.

He did something this morning that he hasn't for awhile, though. He lost his cool with me, but there was no yelling or anything like that. He just shut me out. Not physically, I mean he's actually sitting right next to me as I'm telling you this. We're in the living room; he's watching some game on the television. I'm writing in my journal, again. He hasn't really acknowledged me all morning. I mean, he's still gentle with me. Y'know? But, it seems impersonal, almost, as if he's kind of detached himself.

I don't know. I don't know how to go back to the way it was. I mean, it's not like a huge change or anything, just a subtle shifting of emotions. And, I don't even know whether it's to do with what I wrote, or just a coincidence. I mean maybe he's just in an off mood or something. But, usually if that's the case, he'd be complaining and groaning, and getting me to do every little thing he can possibly think of. And then he'd fall asleep on the couch and snore away like a runaway motor. Then he'd wake up and be all dimpled smiles, and cheery words.

But, he hasn't even cracked a smile over the past few days. I think the guys even noticed it. Jimmy made some comment like he always does, and Matt didn't say anything, when he usually, at least, calls the drummer a 'jerk' or a 'dick'. All out of love, of course.

I hope it wasn't what I wrote, because if that's the case...then...hell...awkward city. I can stand it if he tells me that he doesn't feel the same, or whatever...but this whole not acknowledging me business is getting to me. I'm hanging out on a limb, just wondering.

"Val."

I jump slightly. Matt's actually looking at me. I blink at him, meeting his guarded expression.

"Yes, Master?" I'm extra careful to address him properly. His lips twist slightly as he drapes an arm over the back of the sofa. Shifting uncomfortably on my seat, I wait for a response.

He smears a hand over his jaw, pressing his lips together. His brow furrows, and I can see thoughts passing in his mind. I continue to wait, knowing not to push.

Matt breathes out harshly and opens his mouth, speaking in a low voice, "Your message. In your journal. You want to explain to me what that was about?"

I bite my lip and look down, then back up at him. "I...well...I mean...I thought it was clear, Master?"

Matt lifts an eyebrow. "You tell me, Valary."

I shift beneath his cool stare. "I...well..." My cheeks feel flushed. I hate that he's putting me on the spot now, considering his behaviour toward me the last few days.

"Valary, talk to me."

I swallow hard, clasping my hands together in my lap. I look anywhere but at him. Matt groans softly.

"Valary, talk to me. I can't read your mind."

"I know, Master...I just..." I peek up at him. He meets my eyes.