The Aviators (A7X)

"Cute nose."

I don't really know how to feel right now. Too many emotions. Michelle and Matthew. Two months. It's a bit much to even think on. But, maybe writing it down might help me process it a little more. I can't even begin to imagine what that would have been like. I mean, they don't even really like each other now...as we are all well aware of...

I can't even figure out how that must make him feel now, seeing as my sister is now engaged to one of his best friends. I mean, sure...they were together barely any amount of time and who knows what their relationship was actually like, but...it worries me a bit. Because, you know, maybe the reason he's attracted to me has something to do with her. I mean, we are identical twins...so is it me he...has feelings for, or the fact that I remind him of Chelle?

I don't even know what to think...my thoughts make no sense right now. This journal entry is probably incoherent and pointless...

Anyway, we're at the studio right now, JD's here and all the guys. I'm just trying to let the music wash over me, and their laughter and voices and just...everything. It's oddly comforting to know that they're there for me.

"Val? Val, come listen to this," Matt's smiling down at me where I'm sitting on the single couch in the corner of the tiny studio. I close my journal and get up to join him and the others in front of the computer. Jimmy grins at me and hits the play button as Matt comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I lean back into his big body as the first chords fill the room.

"Really cool," I murmur softly, tilting my head to look up at Matt. He smiles and presses his lips to my forehead. A shiver runs through me and inexplicably a sudden tingle between my thighs. I pull away from Matt, causing a look of confusion to pass across his face. I shake my head at him as his brow furrows.

"Val?"

I keep shaking my head and go back to my seat, grabbing my journal. Matt frowns and joins me, sitting next to me.

"Talk to me." His voice low, anxiety evident. I shake my head more, refusing to answer.

My emotions are all over the place again. I'm still not entirely comfortable with my body's reactions to him. My brain is telling me one thing – I want him! – yet, my emotions want me to run away from him and never come back. Arousal really is not what I want to be feeling right now; yet, at the same time I really want to feel his hands all over my body. I can't sort my thoughts out, or make sense of them. I know I wanted him to push me...that one time after my parents' rejected me...but now I don't know what I want...or what I need.

Matt sighs softly and wraps an arm around my shoulders, squeezing gently. "When you're ready..."

I peek up at him and smile softly, thankful that he cares so much for me. He smiles back and gets up again, going back over to the others. I watch as he walks over, marvelling, not for the first time, that I ended up with him and not with some asshole. I mean...how lucky am I, really? Very lucky, I'd say. Though, I do have a niggling worry that something might go wrong; then again after the whole Robert debacle, maybe I've been pre-disastered now. You never know, though. After all, life is unpredictable.

"Val!" Jimmy plops himself next to me. I only jump slightly and manage a small smile. He gives me an apologetic look. I just shake my head not really in the mood to talk to anyone. He squeezes me gently around the shoulders. "What's doing?"

"Nothing," I mumble and look down. I must look like I'm worried about something because Jimmy makes me look at him. His usually twinkling blue eyes are softer, warmer concern in their depths.