The Aviators (A7X)

"I'd rather stay here..."

I wish Matt had pushed me a just a little harder earlier. I know that's a crazy thing to say, but because my emotions were all over the place, I needed some sort of stronghold to clutch onto. I know some would say that sex isn't the answer, but having been in my position for so long, it's something I'm familiar with. Much more familiar than say my family. Meeting them was not what I expected. Neither did it end up the way I wanted it to.

I thought it would be easy, that they would accept me. But, it obviously wasn't to be. I don't really know how much it hurt me to go through all that. All I know is that I don't want to have a repeat of what happened. It killed me to be so out and out rejected by my parents. I don't understand how they could be that way. I know they must have had a reason for why they did what they did, but I was always of the mind that they had done so out of necessity and not for any other reason.

The day they left me at the orphanage is still as vivid as if it were yesterday. It had been an unusually chilly October evening; Mom handed me over to the wards, bundled in a bright pink jacket and she had promised that if the situation got better, she'd come back for me. She had promised...

* * * * *

"Val...Val?"

I blink, realising that tears are dripping from my eyes onto the page of my journal. Matt's hand is resting gently on my shoulder. I peek up at him. His anxious gaze is fixed on the words I've just been writing.

"You want to talk about it?" It's actually a question. There's no demand in his voice at all. I look down at the pages of my journal and blink slowly, wondering whether that's what I really want to do.

He doesn't press, just sits by me, his hand moving in circles over my back. I lean into his touch, breathing slowly. I'm not sure how long we've been sitting here for. We're at home, by the way. It took a while, but I guess I calmed down enough for Matt to bring me home. We didn't speak to anyone, I couldn't look at Michelle... still too hurt, I guess. Me that is. I'm not sure how she feels about all this.

By no means do I blame her for what happened. It's not like she knew how our parents would react to me being there. But, she knew they were going to be there, and part of me feels almost as if she was being disloyal to me in some form. I know she didn't do it to cause me any problems, but it turned out that way and it hurts. It really hurts.

I close my eyes, relaxing as Matt continues to rub my back. His presence is comforting. Enough so that I feel calm, safe. Peeking at him with one eye, I gauge his mood. His face is smooth, quiet, his eyes the only part of him that reveals any of his emotions. He's still anxious, and seems to be waiting for something. Me, I guess.

I lick my lips a little, before saying, "Mom promised to come back for me..."

Dropping my chin against my chest, my breath hitches in the back of my throat. The heartache that comes over me scares me a bit. I can still hear my mom's voice in my head, echoing through the years. Can still hear what she said to me. The knowledge that perhaps she hadn't really meant it hurts more than I want it to.

Matt sighs, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me into him. I turn to snuggle into his chest, pressing my face against his shirt. He rocks me gently, nuzzling into my hair. We stay like that for a while, quiet, still. He murmurs sweet nothings into my ear; I relax at his words, smiling a little as he tells me how much he loves me and that he'll always be here for me. The last I hang onto because it's exactly what I need to hear. Having a constant in my life is something I've been missing, and it's been a huge surprise, finding it in my master.