The Aviators (A7X)

"I think I should tell you."

It's been a week since I went out with the girls. Life with Matt seems to keep getting better each day; he's not at home much, though. He spends a lot of time down at his parents' with the other guys working on the album.

He leaves me here alone. For two main reasons. One, Denmore. Matt doesn't want me anywhere near him; even though I get the impression he doesn't appear so worried about him. Two, he thinks I distract him too much. Hah. I guess that's a two way street, though. Matt distracts me, as well. Especially when I'm trying to do something he's instructed me to do. Then again, maybe he's just testing my resolve.

Speaking of that, my twin seems resolute in her belief that Brian is going to propose to her, any day now. She's called a few times, gushing about how amazing he is. How much he loves her, dotes on her. Like I've already said, I envy their relationship a little. Not just for the little romantic things, but 'cause of the bigger picture. Matt will never propose to me. I will never have any hope of being asked to marry someone. I'm a slave...and no slave has ever...

Anyway, I think she might just be right. Matt's been saying similar things, except he hasn't been as nice about it. Then again that seems to be the story of his relationship with my twin. Tolerant is the word I think I should use to describe the way they are toward each other. Nothing more, nothing less. I wish I could do something to change it, but it's not really my place. Besides, they're both grown adults, so they should be able to sort themselves out.

And I have my own issues to deal with.

Nightmares. I never remember my dreams. Or at least I didn't prior to the day where Matt...hurt me. I mean, that's not entirely true, I do remember my dreams, but usually only vague afterthoughts and impressions. No, the one I've experienced several times, now; this one I remember vividly. It's not something I wish to repeat, though. Suffice to say that it involves me being forced to... Ugh, I can't even say it. But, I think it's obvious what it's about.

Right now I'm sitting outside by the pool, dangling my feet in the water. Bella's sitting next to me her muzzle resting on my shoulder. It's quiet, peaceful. Matt's been gone a few hours now; he didn't give me any instructions, just hinted that Michelle or one of the other girls might pop around sometime. Don't know who it will be.

Before he left I got the feeling he wanted to say something to me, but didn't. He's been treating me with kid gloves the past few days. It's a little awkward between us. I mean, he's no less firm with me, no less tender either. It's just a different atmosphere. Tense, anxious. I'm sure we'll get through it, though. I mean sure, what we feel for each other is illegal, and if anyone, i.e. the Guild, finds out well we'll be in a lot of shit.

Part of me is believing for good things, though. Being positive is the only way I'll let myself be. I know Matt is trying to stay optimistic, as well. There is one thing we haven't done since then. He hasn't asked for anything sexual of me. I have a feeling he's been spending a lot of time with his right hand, at least he's been using the bathroom in private a lot more. Oh and he avoids brushing up against me...and he wears his boxers to bed...

I don't know how to feel about all that. That's never been something that's come to mind when I was with my other masters. Then again maybe it did and I never noticed. Who knows whether it's true, or not, that men think about sex all the time. From experience, I'm sure that's not the case. Well, with Matt I'm sure that's not true. At least fifty percent of the time he's thinking about music. Hah. Yeah, that wasn't funny.

It's comforting on one level, that he's taking great pains to not pressure me too much, but at the same time we both have needs. Sexual needs; it's a biological imperative and I know, sooner or later he won't be able to ignore them. And just doing it with Mr Hand won't be enough for him. I know this for a fact, considering the number of men I've serviced in my life.