Post it (Minishaw)

Ch. 15

(another 2 week gap)

---Simon's POV---

I need to tell him, I'm actually dying inside, I need to tell him how I feel, but how, and when, I need the timing to be right and make it so he can't dodge the conversation. I need to find time, and that soon, I can't pretend any longer, I've liked him for so many weeks now. I'm actually exploding inside I need to tell him and It needs to happen soon.

"Harry can we talk?" I say, into my mirror, why do I need to rehearse this, it's not like this is a play, I just need to tell him before anyone else, so it does not spread around, rumors is the last thing that he needs, It's the last thing I need. I'm afraid that everyone figures it out before I manage to tell him and tell him for me, I don't want that to happen. I want this to be special, but now I'm just overthinking this, like I usually do, I overthink things a lot and make things so much harder than they need to be, why do I do that. 

I walk into school, I've decided that I'm doing this today, I just need to find a good time, I spot him across the room, he is just getting books out off his locker, he looks sad, why does he look so sad. Now I'm worried, what happened.

"hey what's going on?" I ask him as I walk up to him, not even bothering to tell him good day, that was quite rude off me, but I need to know what has upset him, did someone say something to him. 

"Ohh it's nothing" he says, I can tell he is sad and he just totally dodged my question.

"tell me, you can trust me" I say and then

"I'll tell you, but not here" Harry says as he takes my hand dragging me outside the school.

"are you OK? " I ask and I feel worried

"The accident was 4 years ago today" He blurts out, ohh fuck, I can't do this today, he is not in the right headspace, my plan to get him will have to wait another week, as this week is very hard for him. His mom and sister today and his brother 4 years ago in two days time, it must be horrible for him.

"I'm so sorry" I say to him as I just give him a long hug, he probably needs that the most.

"I don't even want to be here, I just want to go"

"where?"

"anywhere"

"let's go then" I say and grab his hand

"but school?"

"Harry, they will understand why you are not there today, your teachers know right?"

"no, new school remember" he tells me

"You can tell them tomorrow, let's get out off here OK" I say as I take his hand and we walk away from the school.

Harry stops at the next flower store and buy's 3 set's off flowers. I see that he is having a hard time keeping it together, I can see that he just want's to brake down and cry, I can't blame him for that, I've never been trough what he is going through and I hope to god that I never will. I mean losing almost everyone in your family in 3 days must be one off the worst things that can happen to someone and it happened to him when he was 12, only 12. Harry must be one off the strongest people I've met. We stay silent on the walk to the graveyard, I can see that tears are starting to run, I want to cry and this is not even my family. Harry asks me to stop and I do, he then he walks on alone until he comes to a stop about 50 meters away from me.

---Harry's POV---

"hey mum" I says as I come to a stop "I miss you, so much, I wish you were here, I wish you were all here. I'm 16 now mom, I'm now older than Thomas, I'm now the oldest." I say and smile a little

"Mom, I wish I could just talk to you, I need to hear your voice and I need to hear you say that you love me, " I say and I try to take away the tears as soon as they start streaming down my cheeks but there is no hope, I've opened the flood gates and now I just can't stop, I don't really want to either.

"I just want to see you all again, I'm starting to cope with it better, I am OK most days, but sometimes it's just so hard, I want to talk to you and I want to hug you, I don't know why this day keeps getting harder and harder, I thought it would get easier but I just miss you more and more with each year that goes by, Me and Lucy should be fighting and Thomas teaching me about drinking and party's and love and all that crap, I just don't want to do this without you, I feel like I can't do this without you, I just want you to give me advice and tell me that I'm doing alright. Mainly I just want to hear your voice, I want to hug you all and never ever let go again, I want to feel safe in your arms as I did when I was younger" I say and I can't help it, I just fall down on the ground and start crying hysterically, I feel someone's arms hold me and I just can't stop crying,

"It's OK, just let it all out" I hear Simon tell me

"I just miss them so much, I just want them back" I say as I look up at him, with tears in my eyes.

"I know, I know" He just says and he just hugs me, for the longest time he is just holding me as I cry.

Simon calls me in sick at school, explaining to the principle that I just need a personal day and he explains why, It's a very emotional day and we just lay in bed, doing nothing, I just tell Simon about my brother and sister and I don't think I've ever cried as much in one day as I did today, but It was good to let it all out. I felt better at least. I slept well that night, that is something to be happy about. There were no nightmares, I just dreamt about my hole family together again. that is all I want, I want my family together.