Musically Problematic

Chapter 38: Metallic Scarlet

Authors Note:
Hey guys, I was planning on separating this into two chapters but it just didn't seem right to. So instead this chapter is double the length of the rest so I hope you enjoy it. Also this chapter contains a theme that some of you may find triggering. I suggest that you don't read this chapter if you suffer from anxiety, depression, self harm or anything like that. Although it is important to the general story line, but the next chapters will make sense without it. But also I want those of you that do things like that to know that you're not alone and that as part of the Fam we all are here to support and help each other through tough times.
Thanks again for your support

He messages me back his room number and I go up to it and knock on his door.

Michael's POV:

I answer my door to Sophie, I happily let her in. She looks happy, well happy enough for someone who just broke up with her boyfriend, has her period and has to start over...Again. She lays on the large couch, I sit by her feet and massage them softly. She lets out a soft moan at the feeling. I start to think about her moan and I feel myself getting hard. I look down at my crouch and see that it's quite noticeable. I get up quickly and go in to the bathroom, locking the door. If I relieve myself, I'm likely to be noisy and she'll catch me. So instead I try to think of sad thoughts and things that might calm me down. I hear a knock at the door.

"Michael, you've been in there for almost 20 minutes. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a second."

What am I supposed to do? I'm still hard and she's going to know...It's going to make everything awkward between us. I've screwed up any chance I had with her.

"Michael...If you don't come out in five minutes, I will come in there and check on you."

"Please, please don't! I'll be out soon."

"I heard about your self harming incident. And I swear if you're doing it again!"

"I'm not, I promise."

I look at myself in the mirror; the confident, lead guitarist with brightly coloured hair isn't there. Instead I see a terrified, screwed up guy that needs to re-dye his faded hair. If I had more confidence I'd just go out and face the love of my life like this, but I can't let her see me like this. Letting everything sink in, I reach into the top drawer and pull out my bag. I dig through it and find my sharp, shaving razor, I pull out the first blade and place my razor back in my bag. I give myself another look in the mirror, I'm dull as ever. I steady myself on the shiny marble bench and dig the sharp, silver blade through my wrist and drag it across before pulling it up. I wince at the pain of the cool air on my arm, but I deserve this, I'm a horrible human and deserve to feel this pain. The blade now covered in deep scarlet coloured blood. I watch as the metallic scarlet blood oozes out of my abnormally pale wrist. A single drop slides slowly off my arm, onto the pearly marble sink and rolls down the bowl and down the drain. My throat is tight, but my jeans aren't anymore. It worked, I guess.. I deserved to feel that pain. It's wrong to let myself get hard from a girl I'm not dating...A girl I've never slept with and never will sleep with. She was taken by another man just yesterday, I can't feel this way about her. I drag the blade across my wrist again, just above the slowly forming scar from the last cut.
'You deserve this, Michael. You're a disgrace to everyone, if only your fans knew what you did with your time off.'
I let the thoughts swirl through my mind, my conscience talking to me. I make a third cut along my stinging wrist. I feel a tear slide down my cheek.
'Don't cry, Michael, you weakling. You deserve this remember.'
I quickly wipe my tear away with the back of my hand that's holding the blade. I look down at the now scarlet coloured sink.
'Clean that up, Michael, hurry up. Don't let her see your weakness. Don't make it anymore obvious than it already is.'
I'm quickly awoken from my thoughts my an urgent knocking at the door and the handle being pulled up and down quickly. Sophie, she wants to come in...