Musically Problematic

Chapter 45: The Gap

With that the line goes flat, the smell of my pasta in front of me makes me want to vomit. I feel sick to my stomach and my head is spinning. I don't want Michael to kill himself, I was just angry about him taking it too far.

Sophie's POV:

I grab my keys and head down to my car, I can't just let him kill himself if I can stop it. He was in the wrong, but was probably too harsh on him too. Everything must be so hard for him with his anxiety and slight depression. I drive around to all the obvious places that I can think he'd be, looking for him, I really do hope I'm not too late.

Michael's POV:

I lean on the fence staring out into the ocean from a walk way along 'The Gap'. I've heard of this place before and it seems so peaceful to stare out over the edge into the rip-filled waters. I'm not the biggest fan of swimming in the ocean and I'm not even that good of a swimmer but I admire the bright crystal blue waves. This place has been labelled as having a high suicide rating; there's warnings and stuff everywhere because of that. But it is a very tempting idea. I've messaged the boys saving my goodbyes, I'm ready to escape my misery. I lean forward on the fence trying to see over the edge. There's sharp edges and rocks everywhere, it will be a painful way to go, but that's nothing compared to how Sophie and that damned stupid voice in my head have made me feel everyday for more than a month. I'm past the point of return. I start to pull myself onto the fence but I hear my name.

"Michael?"

I put both feet on the ground inside the fence line and turn around to match the unfamiliar voice to a face. I see a couple of teen girls standing a metre or two away from me awkwardly. I try to sound put-together for their sake.

"Hey, girls. How are you?"

"We're...uh...we're good, you?"

"Uh...yeah. Would you like to get a photo together?"

"Can we?"

I nod and they come over to me, I put my arm around one of the girls and they hand me their phones one at a time for me to take a selfie, considering I have the longest arms. They both hug me and step away.

"Umm...Michael I was wondering, what were you doing before? You know it's not safe to climb the fence, right? There's signs everywhere."

"Yeah, I was...I was just trying to get a better view."

"That doesn't sound like you Michael."

I can't take her nice, innocent, caring nature. It reminds me too much of Sophie. Something clicks inside of me and I loose the fake-calm act I was putting on for them.

"Doesn't sound like me? You don't even know me, don't act as though you do. You only see what I want you to see when I'm on stage and doing interviews. Most of that if not all of it is fake. Don't you dare act as though you know what's wrong because you fucking don't Sophie!"

I stare at them realising what I'd said. My anger is completely aimed at her and I took it out on some innocent fans. There's always hidden paparazzi, the whole world will know about this by tomorrow. I can't deal with that, I know this will all reflect badly on the boys but I just can't take it anymore. I'm done! I watch the girls run away upset and scared from my outburst. I look out over the ocean and climb onto the top of the fence. I can't bring myself to jump. I want to do this, I want to free myself of this heart wrenching emotional pain but I'm scared. I'm scared of how the boys will react, I'm scared of how the fans will react and most of all I'm scared of how my family will react...my parents would be heartbroken. But I have to think about myself for once...I'm already heartbroken. The unmissable scars on my wrists show how broken I am. I hear a voice behind me start to speak softly but I don't look back, I just listen.

"Michael, I may only be one fan but I love you...my friend does too she's just a little shaken up from before. But as a part of the 5sosFam I know we all unite and stand together on more than a few things. One main one being that we all love you...and all of the boys. Who ever Sophie is and whatever she did to make you feel broken enough to be considering suicide, she isn't worth it. Please don't do this...plenty of people from all around the world love you and want you to be safe and happy. I heard about your self harm and depression. Hearing that you were getting over it helped me, I used to cut because of bullying. I've stopped mainly thanks to you, you made me believe in myself, and that I wasn't worthless. I promised myself if I ever saw or met you I'd thank you for everything you've done for me, but this gave me a chance to try and return the favour."

I let her words sink in, the silence between us, comfortable but scary. I swing my legs back over and hop off the fence into the path to look at the teen girl that I had just yelled at for pretty much no reason. She's not smiling anymore, but she doesn't look scared, more so relieved.

"Please Michael, find someone that can help you. Suicide isn't the answer. Take a break from your music to get help if you need to, everyone will understand why when they find out. And they will find out, we always do."

I look at her and nod slowly letting myself slide down to my butt on the hard cement path; leaning back on the cold wire fence. She kneels down next to me and kisses my cheek briskly.

"Thank you. You may have just saved my life."

"Maybe...or I just stalled long enough for someone to get here that will be able to save it..."

She nods her head towards someone but I don't follow her gaze. I keep my view fixed on the seemingly interesting ground. I hear the girl get up from beside me and walk off.