Okay let me just start off by saying, this is not how I pictured my life going. My name is Emmarie Ethridge. I am 19 and hardly ready to live in this world of adulthood I'm being thrown into. At the moment I live in a town in Colorado named Loveland...
It's been about a 3 weeks since my brother and Ethan have been home. It's been hard with the whole Grayson thing, sneaking around, having to pretty much ignore every emotion I have for him around Jaxon. I wish I could just tell him but I'm actually scared of what he will do; I've always hated disappointing my family.
When I was 16 I went through a party faze, I would come home drunk or high off my ass in the middle of the night. Jaxon was always the one to care for me but I remember seeing the disappointment in his face, its one of the reasons I stopped doing that. I hated him being disappointed in me.
That's exactly what he will be if he finds out I've been hooking up with Grayson behind his back.
So far we just been hooking up... I'm starting to think that's all he wants from me. He was really sweet at first but lately I've just been a late night hook up. Gray always texts me in the middle of the night to come to his room, I do, but its because I actually have feelings for the guy. I know he still just sees me as Jaxon's baby sister, the one that kind of grew up and now is so helpless that she will do anything for attention. But that's not me anymore. I want Grayson to feel the same way about me but I don't even know how to really tell him how I feel.
I'm just a rebound from Maria.
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''Gray, what are we doing?" I asked him looking for the rest of my clothes on his floor.
"What do you mean?" He was just laying down scrolling through his phone.
"We've been sleeping together for like a month now, and I feel like I'm just your easy booty call. I thought you wanted more...," I sat at the edge of his bed staring at the bunched up t-shirt and shorts in my hands. "You said you did, the day you broke up with Maria."
"Emma, I can't be anything more with you because of Jaxon, and we both know it would be hard, just drop it." He didn't even look at me. "You should probably get back to your room; he will be awake soon."
I hate being right....
I left Gray's room after putting the rest of my clothes on, but instead of going to my room I went to Ethan's.
''Hey... Eth, are you awake," I went over to him shaking his shoulder a bit.
"I am now," he pulled his head up squinting his eyes at me, "are you okay? Can you not sleep again?"
"No its not that, its like 8 am bud," I laughed a little at him, but then went back to thinking about what had just happened. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
"Emma, come here," he held up his blanket for me to crawl under. "What's wrong princess?" He brushed his thumb over my cheek pushing the tears off.
Ethan was defiantly my closest friend. I told him everything and he told me everything. He probably already assumed what was wrong.
"I was right before... he's just using me Ethan, and I-I just... feel stupid and pathetic for ever thinking there would be something there. That he could ever see me for more than a little girl." I started pouring out tears... I felt comfortable around Ethan, comfortable enough to let go of all my emotions around him.
Ethan pulled me tight into his chest, kissing my forehead, and then placing his chin on my head. "I'm sorry Emma... I'm so sorry. Don't feel stupid its not your fault, he played with your feelings. You're not a little girl anymore, maybe you just need to show him that, maybe you should move past him, find someone new."
"Sorry I know you hate talking about your brother like this..." I tried to slow down the crying.
"You're okay, you can talk to me about anything. He's being a asshole so its defiantly alright this time." He was pushing the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear.
"I guess I can try to cut him out.." It wasn't a bad idea, it might help me get over him, or make him realize how he really feels.
"Good plan, now let's distract you! Go get dressed, we are going to the gym." Ethan was all for exercise as a distraction... ALWAYS.
I went to my room, thankfully I closed Gray's door when I left it, so I wouldn't have to see him when I passed it. I threw on a black sports bra, my red shorts and grabbed my black Nike's. Ethan has recently been my workout buddy, which is great because he really challenges me.
We went down to the gym and spent a couple hours in there, way longer than normal, but I'd rather be there than in the apartment.
I made sure to post a gym selfie on my Snapchat story, because even with a 3-hour workout I was looking pretty cute, and I knew he would see it. I defiantly decided on the objective of trying to make him jealous. If it didn't work it might be easier to let my feelings go, knowing he has absolutely none for me.
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I was hanging out at home, on the couch doing some online shopping. The guys were at one of their friends shooting a video. I've actually seen some of there videos now! They've put me in a couple of the recent one's, pranking me, or their challenge videos. It was cool because when their fans would notice them while we were out, they were starting to notice me. Even with only having an Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat I gained a ton of 'fans'. I kept getting hate comments though, but the nice ones made up for it, I'm pretty content with myself and image so they don't affect me too much.
I continue shopping around websites, when I heard the front door open, it was just Grayson.
"Hey, where's Jaxon and Ethan?" He ignored me and walked into his room. "cool, okay" I mumbled to myself.
"oh sorry, I'm kind of in a hurry, we forgot our tripod..." He walked over and leaned down to kiss me, but I pulled away. "What's your deal?"
"nothing, 'just drop it'" I mocked his words from this morning.
"Hey, why'd you post that pic on your story this morning?" Why did he care.
"Because I wanted too, what's the big deal?" I made sure to give him extra attitude, and went right back to my shopping.
"The 'big deal' is that you're practically half naked in that picture, and a shit ton of guys follow you. You need to delete it." He glared at me.
I looked right back at him, "ehh, I think ill keep it up." Smirking at him.
"Whatever Emma, just don't be shocked when people start treating you like a slut when you are acting like one." I just rolled my eyes at him as he walked out, slamming the front door. The picture literally wasn't even that bad. Even Ethan told me to post it, and Jaxon didn't even say anything about it. Maybe he's just upset that people are seeing as much of me as he USE to.
Ethan's POV
Grayson finally got back to Aaron's with the tripod. He looked pissed, I wonder if anything happened.
"Jesus, what took you so long?" Jaxon grabbed it from him.
He just stood there and crossed his arms, "sorry."
"It's fine man, lets just get this over with, we have that party tonight." Jaxon reminded him, to be honest I forgot as well.
