She couldn’t believe her ears when she heard him say those three words.
The first thing that came into mind was: It was impossible.
Chun stared at her staring back at him.
When she made her move, his heart quicken.
He saw her move towards him and she reached for his hands.
Gently she took her wedding ring off and handed it into his sweaty palms.
“You can’t love me, Chun.” she said with tears in her eyes.
“Wha-”
“After twenty years of loving you, I just want to love you.” she tried figuring how she was going to say this to him so he understands. “I don’t want your love. I just want you to be happy. And I know that I can’t make you happy.”
“But you do.”
“Since I moved in with the Chengs, I did nothing but brought them misery. Charlene and Angela tells me that I killed my mother. My step-mom loves to beat me up. Even Qiang Qiang doesn’t like me. And because of me, the only people that did love me died. I don’t want to bring you the same misery.”
“Ella, just because you’ve always been the one to love everyone, doesn’t mean that you can’t be the one being loved. Why can’t you just accept the fact that if not me, there will be someone else to love you!”
Ella forced her eyes away from him.
She never did think that anyone would love her after all of her wrong doings.
“If you don’t believe me, go ask your parents.” Chun said.
Ella sat back down not saying anything.
She still didn’t think it was possible for him to love her.
She was happy just loving him.
Why couldn’t he just accept that?
“Do you ever noticed how whenever we try getting back together, there is always something stopping us?” Ella pointed out.
Yes, in fact he did realize that. “But we can always fight it together.”
“I don’t want to fight anymore, Chun.” Ella said. “I’m tried of trying to change what we’re not suppose to.”
“Not even for me?” Chun asked. “You still don’t trust me?” Chun continued.
Ella avoid eye contact with him.
She spent twenty years trying to tell herself that he would never love her. And when she finally understood that, he stands in front of her and says that he’s in love with her?
What is she suppose to do…believe him?
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Chun.” she whispered and got up to leave but he held her back.
“We’re going to figure this out before you leave.” Chun said sternly.
“You don’t love me anymore, is that it?” he asked.
“No, that’s not it. I--” she forced the words out of her mouth. “I still love you.”
“But you don’t trust me?”
“right.” she nodded.
Chun sighed hard at the thought.
At least she was honest with him, right?
“Ok, what should we do then?”
“I don’t know.” Ella said.
They sat doing nothing for what seemed to be an hour, but only 15 minutes.
“I have an idea.” Chun finally said.
“what is it?”
“Why don’t we go see someone about this.”
“You mean as a counselor?” Ella asked confused.
“Yes. Exactly a counselor.” Chun said with a smile.
---
“Chun, this is not a counselor, it’s your Grandpa’s place.” Ella pointed out as they reached a smokey bar.
“It is…”
“I thought we were suppose to work through this together, not with the help of your grandfather.”
“So, you’re giving me another chance?” Chun asked.
“Why do you think I left with you? I needed at ride home?”
“Don’t get sassy with me, young lady.” Chun warned. “But, thank you Ella.” he said with a an appealing, light kiss and a smile that meant a lot.
He was about to go out but she held him back.
“Ok, since I’m giving you another chance, can we not go in?” she begged.
“Why?”
“I’m don’t feel ‘comfortable’ with him?”
“Because…?”
“Because, he makes me feel weird, and I don’t like the smell.”
“At least go say ‘hi’ to him. You’re practically his granddaughter.”
He made a good point. It would be rude of her to not even greet his grandfather in such a long time.
---
“Chun!!” Grandpa cried.
This time, he was in a silky robe, without the cigar.
Ella let out a smile greeting him.
“Ella, you’re back! Boy, am I glad you’re back. Chun wouldn’t stop talking about you when you left. I swear--if he would have said another word about you, I’d have the best detective team out there looking for you.”
“See that? I do care.” Chun said sarcastically.
“What brings you two here?” he started out.
“We just stopped by to say ‘hi’.” Chun said.
Ella let out a small wave. “Hi.” she said.
“Oh, come on now, tell me what’s the matter.”
Ella looked at Chun with worried eyes.
“Nothing, Lao po, we just wanted to know how you were doing.”
Grandpa raised his eyebrows not buying his excuse but decided to let it go.
---
“Why didn’t you tell him of our situation?” Ella asked when they reached the car.
“I have my reasons.” he said.
“Like?”
“First off, because I love you.” he kissed her gently. “And I respect that if you don’t want others to know, then they won’t know. And secondly, I see it would be more of an effort to do this on our own. Not with the help of others. Just like you said.”
“thank you.” she said.
Chun smiled, giving her another kiss before they drove off home.
