Seducing My Cousin's Boyfriend

Chapter Sixty-nine

Jiezel's Point of View

I went inside the Airport. Mabagal lang ang paglalakad ko dahil umaasa ako. Umaasa pa din ako na darating siya.

Oo. Ako na yung tanga. Tawagin niyo na akong kabit, mistress, whore, slut! Lahat na! Pero porke ba kabit ako, hindi na ako nasasaktan? I'm a human too. A person with feelings! Okay fine, I back-stabbed my cousin! Porke nag kamali ako wala na akong karapatang maging masaya? What can I do? I found happiness and contentment to someone who is committed! I didn't wish to be a mistress. I wish for happiness. Kasalanan na din bang maging masaya? Kumabit ako kasi yung minamahal ko may iba. Kumabit ako kasi sakaniya ako masaya. Oo sige kabit na nga ako! But fucking hell! Can you really blame me?

I can only feel happiness when I'm with him. Yes, I also felt pain. But I'm happy too. I'm contended with what I have with him. I love Jake so much. He's the only thing that's making me so happy, after my past relationship, I felt the happiness that I want with him. He made me feel precious, alive and loved. I found someone who can actually accept me for who I really am. Mahirap kumabit lang. Mahirap makisali sa isang relasyon. Pero kahit mahirap tinitiis ko, kasi kung hindi, I'll lose my mind. Being a mistress is a stupid and selfish act. Maraming masasaktan, being a mistress is wrong, I know. But that's the only way to have him. That's the only choice I have so I can be with him. I just want to be happy. It doesn't mean that I'm mistress, I don't deserve a happy ending. Everyone deserves that.

Hindi niyo maiaalis sakin ang nararamdaman ko para kay Jake. Yes, he made me feel worthless. He made me feel like a whore, a slut, a stupid fucked up bitch and he also made me feel disgusted of myself. I am disgusted of myself, yes. But nevertheless, my feelings for him won't change. Even after what he did. Even after telling me he doesn't love me. I don't why I love him too much. I don't know why I'm this stupid.

I thought I can finally move on after our talk, I was doing fine, or am I? I'm good at pretending, but I guess, I can't pretend forever. Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko dahil hindi ko magawang magalit sakaniya. Hindi ko magawang ipagtabuyan siya lalo na kapag dumating siya. I know that if he showed up here, I would ran to him. I would still love him despite of all the things that he'd done to me. Mahal na mahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal ko siya hanggang sa dumating na sa punto na kakayanin kong masaktan ng paulit-ulit basta manatili lang siya sakin.

Sa sobrang pag mamahal ko sakaniya kaya kong gawin lahat para sakaniya. Oo ako na talaga yung tanga. Payag akong babuyin niya ako basta babalik siya sakin. Ako na ang martyr. Ako na ang masokista. Pero putangina! He makes me happy. He is the reason why I stayed here in the Philippines. He is the reason why I'm still standing strong, even though I couldn't even recognize myself anymore.

Gusto kong umasa na hahabulin niya ako. I know Megan talked to him last week. He just needed time. Umaasa ako na kahit kaunti. Kahit one percent na pag mamahal lang. Aasa ako sa one percent chance. Kahit sinabi niyang hindi niya ako mahal. Iba kasi talaga ang sinasabi ng mga mata niya. He even promised me we will go back to China together. I'm holding onto that too.

"Jie, maupo muna tayo dito. Dito natin hintayin ang flight mo." Sabi ni Megan.

Tumango ako sakaniya. Naupo kami sa halera ng mga upuan doon. My parents are with me too and my sisters. Sasama sila sakin. Sila daw mag babantay sakin sa America. Dapat sa Japan kami pupunta, But Megan said ipapasok daw ulit ako sa isang rehabilitation center. I hated the idea. But then, I have to. I need to.

Tinanaw ko ang entrance ng airport. Nag babakasakaling makikita ko siya. Pero wala.

"Jiezel, Hindi ka naman siguro nag eexpect na dadating dito yung gagong yon diba?" Inis na sabi ni Ate.

My tears fell. I heard her scoffed. She's angry. Ayaw na talaga niya kay Jake. When we talked about Jake being in jail again, I disagreed, I stopped her. My sister is one of the best lawyers. Kayang kaya niyang pabagsakin si Jake. But I told her that, if she do that I would try to commit suicide again. Sinapok niya nga ako nang sabihin ko yon. I know that my sister cares for me so much. But I love Jake. Kung pati pamilya ko kalabanin ko para lang maging safe siya, Gagawin ko. I can't hurt him. Also, Jake is Jackson's brother. She wouldn't do that to her boyfriend's brother. Well, I guess.