That Sexy Librarian and Me

32nd

All thirty two moments

                     each o n e killing me slowly

It was probably their first real fight.

Well, could it be called a fight when she didn’t know exactly why they were fighting?

“I need to get to class early.”

“I’ll use the bathroom quickly.”

“Okay.”

No “That’s bullshit Ath; you can’t leave that place quickly. That’s like your own personal rabbit hole.” No “If I believed that, I’d marry you.”

Not even a grunt.

Remy had turned into the perfect gentlemen.

He said things like “Pass the salt, please?” at the table. He acted like he hadn’t known her all his life, like he once had all those months ago when he’d insisted he had no other place to stay.

Now that his family had unbanned him, she was sure that wasn’t the case anymore.

At the library, it was even quieter than the first time she’d stepped foot in it. The students were of the top notch kind, words barely exchanged, save for the times it was life or death, and the days came and the nights set in as quickly as the reason for their fight escaped her.

She never knew why they were fighting.

It was beyond invigorating, when they’d speak, like they were... one, like they didn’t need anyone else.

“If you wanted one thing from me,” she asked Maddie over their coffee meet. “What would you want?”

Maddie, like Remy, was at another place, far away from where she was. It bothered her to no end, and while she knew she had to ask about it, confirm her suspicions about it being about a man, she still did nothing. She was nobody to fall back on, right then.

“I don’t know. What do twenty five year olds want from twenty three year olds?”

“Maybe three years?”

“You can’t give me three years, Ath. You can’t even give me three of anything.”

“That’s not true. I can give you three...” she paused, thinking. “What do you want three of?”

“Nothing,” Maddie answered. “I don’t want three of anything from you, or from anyone else for that matter.”

It was like watching someone fall apart, even if they weren’t really behaving that way. When Remy would come back home, he’d clean up after himself, he’d wear pants instead of those ugly boxers of his. He’d even bring dinner before she’d start cooking.

What did Remy want, exactly? She asked herself as they lounged on the couch, holding each other. What could he want from me?

I have nothing.

I can’t give him anything.

I could say I love you, but that’d be stupid.

Why would it be stupid?

For weeks, the fight took over. Every part of their innocent and untarnished relationship was replaced by something dreadfully scary and nothing she looked forward to.

They barely ever spoke, and never out of turn. They stopped playing on the Xbox. Maddie stopped coming over, but she had a feeling that had to do with what she had going on in her life and little to do with theirs.

“I’m going to talk to Maddie,” she told him when she packed her tote bag. “I think I’ll stay over at her place.”

“What about work?”

“I’m leaving you the keys. Open the library in the morning. I’ll take over around noon.”

There was a ‘but’ to that sentence, a ‘but’ that was begging to be addressed.

But... what about the shipment dealers? I can’t handle them. I can never handle them.

But you were supposed to spend Sunday here, painting, cooking...

But the clothes need to be washed!

But...

She shut the door softly behind her before walking down the road to the bus stop.

What about me?