That Sexy Librarian and Me

33rd

thirty three seconds

          and a proposal

"I slept with someone."

Athenia's expression softened almost immediately. "Oh, Maddie,"

"He's an asshole!"

"I'm sorry,"

"He's a fucking prick and he enjoys making me suffer and he thinks he's better than me!"

"Maddie..."

"He asked me to marry him."

"I know, I..." she trailed off then, flinging the pillow away as she kneeled on the bed, Maddie's eyes transparently unhappy. "He wants to marry you?"

"And have babies."

"Is this the bald guy who called you a stripper?"

"Oh, God, don't remind me."

Athenia sat back down, hugging the pillow once again. "Why did he... What... Are you both high on something?"

"I don't know! I'm so confused."

"Wait a second," she paused then, looking straight into the depths of Maddie's eyes, turmoil and all. "You're actually thinking about it... are you pregnant?"

"Thee!"

"I had to ask, sorry."

"I'm not... I'm not."

The TV played the dialogues of A Walk To Remember on and on, like someone was actually still paying attention to it. Of course, Maddie kept a small eye on it. It was her choice, after all.

"Tell me what to do."

"Don't marry him."

"Tell me the other thing."

"Try dating him?"

"No," she looked away then. "That's not what I want to hear."

"You want me to tell you that you should marry them?" Athenia touched her best friend's cheek then. "That's insanity, Mad, even you know that."

"So? Can't I just... find happiness that easily?"

"No, you can't. It's not that simple."

"Why? Because it's not like that for you?"

Christmas day came back to her, the gifts she'd found under their imperfect tree, the smile on Remy's face as he opened his... the kiss he gave her as they danced in the dark...

She was more than happy, and she hated that best friend didn't see that.

"I'm not talking about Cali, Thee, I'm talking about home," she was watching the TV instead of looking at her. "Remember your father? Life? Brussels? Your responsibilities?"

"Marry him, then," she told her softly. "I can't be right about everything."

"I judge you for not telling Remy, you know,"

"I know,"

"I can't even imagine--"

"Then don't."

A sigh escaped her as she pulled a piece of chocolate from the tray of junk food before them. Athenia refused to say anymore through the night as the movie barely filled the silences.

"I love you."

"You know everything. How can you judge me?"

"Because you know this isn't right, too, Thee, and don't tell me you don't realize that."

She barely slept that night, even after the movie ended, even after the shrill cries of an impossible pillow fight.

Remy wouldn’t see anything the same way after she’d tell him.

Wasn’t that reason enough not to tell him?