Asexual [cake au] ✔

Sixteen

Chapter 16

I'd made the mistake of not wearing my flip-flops to the café so my feet started hurting when we were on the concrete and the tiny grains of sand appeared to bite at my feet.

Calum bought us both doughnuts and we sat inside by the window where you had a beautiful view of the water. I bit into mine ravenously, finishing it within seconds. "Damn, you really are hungry, huh?" He pushed his doughnut to me. "Have it. I'm not hungry."

"But you've just been swimming. No one isn't hungry after swimming."

"I'm not just anyone," he said sexily, angling his head downwards to appear more enticing. My breath hitched. "And I said I'm not hungry, so have it before I put it in your mouth for you!"

When I'd finished we struggled back onto the sand and found our spot. Michael and Ashton were lying down on the mat. "Guys, we're back!" Calum shouted. Michael waved.

"I wanna go swimming!" he exclaimed, standing up feeling energised after that nap. "Luke come with me, you haven't been in yet!"

"No, I don't wanna swim..."

Calum understood and went in my place. "C'mon Michael, I wanna go too so let's go together." Michael didn't look terribly pleased but went with him anyway, leaving me with Ashton.

"I can't believe you were reading on the beach," he laughed, picking up the book I'd been reading and going to the page where I'd put the bookmark. "This shit looks hard, too."

"I read classics for a reason," I replied, taking the book away from his sandy hands and brushing it off. "Books these days are too easy, and the themes are overused."

He sighed, laying back down. I had things to ask him and jumped straight into it.

"Does Calum know you're polyamorous?"

He froze. "How do you know about that?"

"Michael told me."

"Well... he doesn't, no. I don't think it would bother him."

I rolled my eyes. "He's a sensitive dude, Ashton. I think you should tell him before your relationship gets any deeper."

"It's so cute though, because he's so innocent and oblivious that you like him."

"I don't like him."

"You do, stop denying it. You know, if you live your life like that, you're gonna die alone."

"Yeah, and if I live precariously like you, I'll also die alone."

He shrugged as if it didn't concern him. "At least my way, you get to experience a bit of everything." He sounded so insufferable, I couldn't stand it. But he had a point. "You really gonna stay asexual forever? It's hard not to fall in love these days. You meet so many new people, who all have different personalities and traits that you find attractive – and I know you're also aromantic but you don't seem to give yourself the chance to fall in love."

"Things happened," I said, not wanting to go into it. "Certain events changed me and moulded me into who I am today. It's hard to change now after putting myself through years of change."

"Something bad happen?"

"Yeah."

"Me too."

I glared at him. What would be wrong with him? Surely, he wasn't treated like I'd been? "What do you mean?"

"I had an abusive father, who was also a playboy. He hooked up with girls all over the town anywhere and anytime and left my mum shattered. She always told me to never follow in his footsteps, and don't get me wrong – I hate his guts, but at our age where marriage and kids don't matter, I don't see why there's an issue. Most people forget about their high school romances when they find the one for them."

"Are you saying that you'd never marry anyone you've dated so far?"

He burst out laughing. "Duh! I'm either never marrying, or waiting till I'm mature enough to settle down. Right now I'm just having the time of my life, living with no regrets and making the most of what I have. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with me being able to date more than one person."

He kinda had a point. All of sudden I felt more at ease around him, knowing that he wasn't entirely built on arrogant foundations. "I think I get it," I said. "I guess, I've built such a wall around me that I've never been able to appreciate what was around me."

"What's your story then?"

I took a deep breath. I wasn't ready to tell it in detail, so paraphrased immensely. "When I was younger there was this guy in the neighbourhood who used to do things with me. He was sick-minded and I hated him. That's all there is, really."

He smirked. He probably knew I was lying. "Some people in this world, they're fucked up. Others, like you, are also fucked up for not being able to move on from it."

"What do you mean, I'm fucked up? Do you know how much I've had to deal with?"

"Yeah, and I respect that you had a hard time – but you've been living in the past for so long that you've forgotten how to live in the present."

I paused. He was so right.

All this time, I'd let Lloyd take over my thoughts and actions – I'd physically given him control of my body. I had let him win, and that's why he was constantly so smug.

He knew that I hadn't gotten over it.

He knew that I was too scared to date anyone.

And he was practically revelling in satisfaction, I bet.

However, there was no way I could change overnight – I'd taught myself to feel disgusted at the sight of kissing and sexual intercourse, and those things wouldn't suddenly be able to become normal for me. But at least I knew now, what the issue was. What was inhibiting me from living normally.

With a smile to myself, I thanked Ashton.

***

Yes go  Luke!

I think I also want a friend like Luke

So here you go -

Vote+comment for a virtual Luke Hemmings

Kimmy xx