Radio Waves (manxman)[Match Maker Series]

Chapter Twenty-Four

Gabe's POV

I was an idiot! I was a fucking stupid idiot!

Even before my mother regained consciousness and cuffed me on the back of the head, telling me I was an utter fool for speaking to and treating Jake in such a way, I'd known that I'd made a massive mistake. I'd lashed out blindly but I didn't mean a word I'd said.

I loved Jake fiercely and I hated that I'd hurt him so deeply. I knew how hard it had been for him to trust me, he'd told me about his ex and how he'd betrayed him. Now I'd betrayed him too by accusing him of something that really wasn't his fault. There were no excuses for my behavior. Being scared and lashing out in fear was not an excuse.

It was the morning after I'd stupidly sent him away and I was calmer now, no longer fearful that I was about to lose my mother. The doctors had run a whole series of tests on my mother from brain scans to heart monitors and everything in between but we were waiting for the doctor to return with the results. I knew it would be a few days, maybe a few weeks before some things would come back from other labs, but we were hoping for positive results.

I stood from the chair beside the bed when my sisters arrived together so one of them could sit there. There was another chair on the other side of the bed too. "Hi Mom." Jessie leaned over to give our mother a kiss on the cheek. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Tired but that's probably because they were in and out of my room most of the night fiddling with these silly machines and checking my blood pressure." My mother raised a hand to point at the monitors by her bedside.

Today was the first time my mother looked her age. She'd always been very youthful for her age and full of life. Her hair had once looked silver and sleek but now lay around her head on the pillow in a gray tangled mess with the texture of aged straw. The faint lines on her face that had spoken of experience and wisdom were much deeper and told a story of pain, worry and loss. Even the sparkling color of her eyes had dulled. She looked frail, fragile in every sense of the word.

"They just want to make sure that you're doing okay. We don't want anything to happen to you." Jessie sat down and I saw her hand tighten briefly around my mother's fingers.

"I'm fine. I hate all this fuss," Our mother groused.

"Get used to it Mom because you're not going to sign yourself out, we'll make sure of that," Lara warned her.

"The doctor will decide when you get to go home and then we'll start fussing over you there," Sandra added.

As if mentioning him had made him appear, the doctor entered the room at that moment. "Hello Mrs. Somersby how are you feeling this morning?" He looked up from her chart in his hands and smiled.

"Tired and grouchy," she huffed.

"That's actually normally for most of our patients." He grinned before glancing at her chart again and turning a page. "We have some results for you and the diagnosis is consistent with the symptoms you've been experiencing." 

"What is it Doc?" I cut across him wanting the no frills answer. 

He cleared his throat sparing me a quick look before returning his attention to my mother once more. "As you know we performed several scans of your head and brain, since you'd been suffering severe headaches. We found a mass in two of the scans-"

"A mass?" Lara didn't wait for him to finish. "What does that mean?"

"It means that your mother has a brain tumor." 

My ears started ringing and my vision blurred. A tumor. My mother had a brain tumor? Oh God I was going to lose her after all. Only a few of the doctor's words broke through my shock. "... meningioma...benign...no operation will be needed...will be monitored..."

"Wait," I said holding up my hand. "Benign? That means it's not cancerous, right?"

"That's correct. A benign tumor is a mass of dead or damaged cells that were not destroyed when they were supposed to be. There are many causes, a trauma or injury to the area, sickness, or diet. As I said there's no reason to operate, a benign tumor does not have the capacity to spread like a malignant tumor does. Your mother will be monitored regularly. There is some pressure being put on her brain that may have caused the seizure and we will be running more tests before we allow you to go home." The last part he spoke to my mother. "I have some pamphlets to help you understand what this all means and also tells you where you can find even more information if you want or need it." He pulled a handful of pamphlets from his pocket and placed them on the rolling table in front of my mother.

I watched my mother's hand tremble as she reached for the top one and flicked through it. "Thank you." Her voice sounded so small.

"I'm not the kind of doctor who's going to sugarcoat things so I'll keep you fully informed of everything as we move forward." He closed her chart and slipped it into the holder at the end of her bed.

"Thank you doctor we appreciate that. I think we're all a little shocked right now but would it be okay if we contact you if we have questions later?" Jessie asked him.

"Of course." He pulled a card out of the small chest pocket of his white coat and handed it to Jessie. "My office hours are printed on the back, if you ring before that my secretary will pass on a message to me and I'll get back to you."

"Thank you." She pocketed the card.

"I'll be back in a few hours to see you." He patted the back of my mother's hand and left us alone to digest the bomb he'd just dropped on us.

It was a few days later when I finally came out of my shock. I hadn't been in touch with Jake yet for two reasons, firstly because I was ashamed of myself and couldn't find the words to tell him how sorry I really was and secondly because I wanted to know everything I could about my mother's condition before I told him how she was doing. I knew that Jessie had called him to tell him that our mother was doing well. She hadn't told him about the tumor though.

I was sitting in the garden in the grounds of the hospital on a white wooden bench, my stomach rolled with nerves as I scrolled down to Jake's number and hit the call button. I put the phone up to my ear and waited as it began to ring. I nibbled on my bottom lip still unsure of what I was going to say, but the call wasn't being answered. Voicemail picked up and told me to leave a message.

"Um, hi." I cringed and inwardly kicked myself for the stupid greeting. "I was hoping to talk to you, to apologize." I sighed. "God I'm so sorry Jake. I'm so fucking sorry I said that to you, that I sent you away. I shouldn't have done that and I'm not going to make some excuse for it because nothing excuses my behavior. I'm an ass. I'll apologize to you for the rest of my life and it'll never be enough." My voice caught and I cleared my throat. "My Mom has a tumor. It's not cancerous, it's benign but just hearing the word tumor scared the hell out of all of us. She's going to be just fine though. The headaches and seizure were caused by it and the doctor would have picked it up when she went for those tests you talked her into getting."

I watched a man and woman across the garden hand in hand. The woman was pregnant and waddling slightly and the man had his arm around her supporting her. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. The sight had my heart aching for Jake. "I miss you. I know I deserve to feel like shit, and believe me I do, but I can't stand not being with you. I'll beg, I'll crawl on my damn knees over broken glass and nails just to get a second chance with you. I'll do whatever you want Jake, ple-" A beep in my ear let me know that voicemail had cut me off. I dropped my phone into my lap and hung my head. Tears prickled at the backs of my eyes. 

What the hell had I done? What if he never called me back and never picked up the phone? Was he ignoring my calls? I couldn't blame him if he was.