My Journal

2011-2015

These were crucial years of my life which I didn't mention in the prologue. The prologue was meant to explain my childhood. These years were important.

In December of 2011, my parents announced to my siblings and I that they were separating. I already knew that, though. My dad had told a neighbor, the neighbor told Felicia's grandmother who told Felicia who told me three week before my parents had. I cried both times. My english teacher in fifth grade actually called the guidance counselor for me and put my in a group for other kids with the same issue.

I got really chubby after that. I spent most nights at my dads and he couldn't afford that much store-bought food. In 2012, in sixth grade, I often got made fun of for my weight and my clothing choice. No one was too fond of what I was wearing, honestly because I was still in my glitter phase. I also had a speech impediment growing up.

My speech impediment was bad, and my siblings and my parents made fun of me for it. The emotional trauma that put on me was so severe, to this day, I still hate presenting, ordering food, asking for help in stores, or defending myself, because I just think I'll sound stupid. Still, I manage.

During the summer of 2012, I'd fallen asleep on the couch, and woke up to my mother and father arguing in the kitchen. My dad had to live with coworker because he couldn't get enough money for a house, but my mom was accusing him of sleeping with her. I lie there, still, having to hear this. I should've gotten up and said something, but I was too scared.

That same summer, I was introduced to a man named Ted. He was my mom's 'friend' and he and his two sons met us at the Franklin Institute, an interactive museum of sorts mainly for kids, but I'd still go and fun today, I think.

It was revealed to me the next day that my mother was dating this Ted character and I immediately decided I didn't like him. Had he done anything to me? No. But he wasn't my dad.

For Christmas of 2012, my parents finalized their divorce. My dad actually had a girlfriend named Taylor. She was nice, I guess, but far younger than him.

Around January 20th, my mom had come home from a ski trip with Ted and announced her engagement.

I broke down crying, because Ted lives in fucking Georgia, and only has a lawyering license there. He can't move to Philly. The more I thought about it, the more my heart broke. I immediately ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and threw myself down on the floor crying. my mom tried the get me to open it, but I'd only leave when Felicia came over and took me to her house. Her mom hugged me really tight. she was eight months pregnant at the time, the pregnancy she'd announced on Felicia's 13th birthday.

Over the course of that year, it'd been wedding venues and trying, begging to convince my mother to let me stay in Pennsylvania, but she'd denied me. She promised I'd only have to live there a year and then I could move back to Philly with my dad. Lie. Her wedding day, I actually contemplated stealing alcohol from behind the counter.

We moved in August of 2014. I cried for two hours, my dogs head rested in my lap the whole fifteen hour drive. I didn't sleep much that night. I cried when we got to our shitty rental house. Ryan and Matthew turned out to be a fucking nightmare to live with. I despised them. The school I went to fucking sucked.Until November. There was this 'girl' in my algebra class, but we both got demoted into pre-algebra because we sucked. We were also moved to the same gym class. Said 'girl' told me a couple months later she wanted to be called Chase. Chase also wanted me to say he/him when addressing him.

I just said ok. Chase ended up cutting his hair and wearing binders. At one point, he had blue hair. Sometimes, we look back on that and laugh. Chase and I ended up being best friends, and boy, I couldn't have asked for anyone better.

I remember someone picking on him in the lunch line in eighth grade, calling him she and his birth name until he cried in the girls bathroom. I comforted him until the end of lunch and we went to the office.

When we went to ninth grade, we started drifting apart a bit, but we were still cool. He just made a bunch of new friends.

So did I though. I met a girl named Michelle in my sixth period. She was really nice and commented on my Fall Out Boy shirt. She introduced me to Lynn and Lynn's cousin, Matthew. They were really nice to be around. I also started talking to a kid named August. He was... weird. More like fucked up weird. Like, carried around a bottle of mouth wash, which he cherished and protected.

In October of 2015, I dated Michelle for two days, before breaking it off. I was confused about my sexuality. Instead of getting bitter or something, Michelle completely agreed, and we became best friends.

I'm pretty sure that is a complete background on who I am and who my friends are.