My Journal

The Week of July 2nd-8th

On Monday I literally did nothing. But Tuesday, at around 2 o'clock, chase texted me. He asked if I wanted to hang out, and Jesus Christ I was so bored I was ready to do nearly anything rather than refresh Instagram one more god damn time.

He came over and we played Cooking Mama. He kicked my ass. And then we played Wii Sports Resort. He also kicked my ass at that too. Sierra and I dropped him off at around nine.

Sierra always agreed to go to his house. She loved his dog, Nala. She was a one year old (?) Rottweiler. She was very sweet and playful. She also likes waking people up at seven a.m. Which I've experienced firsthand. I was... Not ecstatic.

They played for about two minutes until Sierra and I got back in the car and drove off. When we got home, I stay on my phone for three hours procrastinating sleep and keeping out my darker thoughts. You know, the ones that question living and whether or not I'll end up rotting in a senior living home alone after my husband leaves me for a young broad and my kids never come see me? Or whether I'll ever fall in love with someone who loves me back? Or if I'll even have a date to senior prom? What's in space? Where are all the other creatures? Why are they being so quiet? Can we really be the only ones in this endless dark void? What's in the other parts of ocean that hasn't been ventured into yet?

The next day, I didn't do too much. I did the dishes and a couple of chores like the recycling and cleaned out my closet. I wanted to clean my room, I just didn't care at all. I threw the clothes on the floor into a suitcase to give it a clean appearance. Then I did my laundry. Very boring day. And slightly frustrating. I really didn't want to lug baskets and trash bags of clothes down the stairs on a bum leg.

I had to so I did anyway.

The day after, chase was supposed to come over at ten. So I got up at eight. My eyes were hardly open when I got out of bed and put on a clean clothes and brushed my teeth. I had woken up at least eight times during the night, tossing and turning and blinking. It kind of felt like I hadn't slept at all.

He texted me at nine thirty telling me he was pushing our plans back a few more hours because he had a hair appointment at twelve. So I took a shower.

And after the shower I had to take more pain medication, because I had to half stand on my ankle during the shower. Also, I had to reach into the bathroom closet and get conditioner because my idiot sisters don't know how to do that.

Chase was dyeing his hair, and I was to be the first one to see it. Marie was technically the first one to see it, because she answered the door. It's pink, and I love it. He, however, didn't like it too much.

We all went to Panera Bread because I didn't have lunch. I got a salad but I didn't eat any of it. I wasn't very hungry. Chase didn't get any food and I was already worried about him because he was talking about his self confidence level and how basically it'd strained. 

So I gave him my chips and he got a smoothie. I was worried he wasn't eating anything. I know, it's absolutely silly, but I wanted to be safe. Not like chips are gonna do much but the smoothie is also good/nutritious.

We started calling him Wanda because his hair was pink. He said I should dye my hair green and be Cosmo. On the way home we were holding hands in the car and Marie started screaming. We also "double dabbed" God, I hate writing that. Please never let me write that again. Ever.

Once again, we played Cooking Mama and Wii Sports Resort. Once again he kicked my ass. We took a nap because neither of us had gotten any sleep the night before. He slept, I sat on my phone. For an hour, it was silent. And then Sierra and Marie got home from ikea. They woke us and started assembling their furniture.

Chase's dad was texting him about some Night Vale show they were going to that night and said that his sister had backed out and that he could bring a friend. I'd heard of night vale before, I even listened to an episode just to see what it was about. It was weird in the slightly enjoyable way.

Chase and I listened to another episode. He invited me to go. I kindly accepted because honestly I was somewhat intrigued by the weird vibe it gave off.

His mom picked him up at 6:30 and I continually listened to more night vale podcasts, lying down on the couch until he texted me at 7:48 telling me he was on his way. The hike up the steps was painful. I had to put up my hair and change my shirt and brush my teeth again so I got upstairs and did almost all of that.

(I forgot to change my shirt)

When I heard chase knock at the door, I was near the top of the steps and I heard Marie and my mom fight to open the door.

"She left." My mother lied. Chase's somewhat confused and angry response made me laugh.

"Mom stop lying to him." I yelled, beginning my journey down the stairs with my gimp. I think I saw him smile when he realized what my mom had done, but I'm not sure. I put down a trash bag full of clothes at the bottom of the steps for John to take to the goodwill.

I said goodbye to my mother. When we walked on the brick pathway outside of my house toward the car, Chase told me that his dad brought a lady friend and that I'd have to go around the other side of the car.

She was weird. I think her name was kelly (???) and she seemed nice, she laughed a lot, but was loud. Not that it bothered me much anyway, I was getting front row to something I'd barely heard about before that day.

We struggled to find parking until she spotted two open spots in a parking lot. We went to pay but the line was very long. As we were waiting two very cute people walked up and stood in line about three people behind us.

I made the silly "mistake" of telling chase that I thought she was pretty. He kept telling me I should tell her, and I'm sure she would have appreciated such a gesture. I'm just too socially awkward.