My Journal

June 20th.

My flight into Georgia was extremely boring. Not many bumps, but I got excited about when we were just under the clouds. They were so close. They looked like white paint strokes on a blue canvas.

I kept thinking, what a time to be alive?

When I got home, I messed around with the new camera stuff that had arrived at my doorstep just hours after I'd left the state.

The pictures came out really beautifully, especially with the golden flash diffuser. Warm colors are my aesthetic. (My favorite colors though are blue, purple, and red) I took a quick shower, but that left me no time to do my hair.

I put it up in a bun, put all my belongings in a bag (my bathing suit, a hairbrush, an extra t-shirt, a charger) and left for Chris's house. I'd been invited on Saturday night to go swimming with Chase, Lynn, Chris and Eric.

It was really fun. Although I was feeling a bit insecure, chase and Lynn both complimented my swimsuit and how they thought I look cute.

My main problem though is my thighs. I hate them. They're huge.

My insecurities don't matter though. The swimming was fun, we played sharks and Minos, I taught Chase how to play colors.

That was all fun. What wasn't fun was what happened afterward. Chris was painting on themselves. This only worried me because they do that instead of self harming. Which made me wonder if something had made them upset at the time or if they just thought of something that set them off. They had a really bad mood swing shortly after Eric left and left chase and I alone, angrily storming downstairs.

Maybe it was because they felt like the odd man out. Eric and Lynn (who are still dating) were cuddled up on the couch and I put my head on Chase's lap. I was tired and I had three hours of sleep the night before.

Chase also asked if I wanted to stay the night with him at his moms house. After asking my mom, she said maybe. Only to text me five minutes later asking if chase was my boyfriend.

I told her absolutely not. Extremely embarrassing, but humorous for me. Chase got a little more upset with that than I'd assumed he would. Super unflattering, but I understand nonetheless.

He said he couldn't be attracted to me because he's known me too long. The kicker is he's attracted to someone in our friend group, who he claims he's known just as long as he's known me.

Chase, if you're reading this, you don't have to lie to me. I'm not gonna freak out on me just because you don't. I'm not Kathy. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself.

His mom and stepmom picked us up and and took us for tacos. The place was a half hour away, but lord was it worth it. Those were some of the best tacos I've ever had. When we got to the house, things died down. He and I both took a shower (two separate showers).

Although I couldn't exactly reach the shampoo so I had to pull it off of the high bar at the top of the wall and then get it. Not a very comfortable position to be put in, but I'd rather do that than smell like chlorine the rest of the night.

We watched The Heathers on Netflix. A great movie chase got into by seeing and/or hearing about via the musical edition of the film. I played with his hair, mostly because growing up, Erica had me do her hair all the time. It's a good pastime.

I fell asleep pretty fast after the movie ended, unintentionally falling asleep laying down instead of sitting up so I wouldn't snore.