My Journal

1st week of April

I'm writing this on April 6th but it's actually gonna go up on April 7th. Because I have a surprise for one of two people who reads this (I only know one).

Chase got his first role in a play! In our schools production of Addams family, he's one of the ancestors, and I couldn't be more proud if I was his own mother (which we like to joke that I am).

Well, Michelle, Grace and I are getting him roses. My moms buying but we're all signing the card and will give them to him. I am so so excited to see the show. Poor kid's usually exhausted after rehearsal (usually happens from the time we get let out of school until 8 or later).

Michelle, Grace, and I have been living in the sense that we have been extremely close lately. Michelle's hung out with me everyday this week.

Friday- my house with Grace
Saturday- hockey game/sleepover
Sunday- 7/11 at 2 in the morning
(it counts, ok?)
Monday- Starbucks
Tuesday- PDQ with Logan and Chase
Wednesday- Starbucks with Grace and Chase
Thursday- library
Friday- art show/musical/ trivia with Grace

Last night, I had a breakdown. I cried and cried for the dumbest fucking reason and now I'm kind of dehydrated and I have a headache.

I wanna write, these are usually my best writing time. I convert raw energy and emotion into words on a page and really make something. But usually, my good writing requires music, and I think music might make it worse.

Oh well.

Last night was the worst break down I've had in a while, and I think in most part it was because I had no one to help me. It was late, everyone was sleeping and I should've just gone to bed. But no, I thought listening to music and thinking while staring at the ceiling was an A plus idea.

It was full-on sobbing, shaking, couldn't-feel-my-arms-lying-in-the-fetal-position-with-my-hands-over-my-ears anxiety attack/emotional breakdown.

This ones been a long time coming, it's been a month since I've cried.

Anyways, I have like top three colleges in mind. Which is exciting! Two of them, the scales are tipped in my favor because I have family involved with the school, but the last one is just a favorable choice.

Chases show was INCREDIBLE! I cried when he came on stage, so did Michelle. Couldn't believe my SON was the STAR (not technically but the only person Grace, Michelle and I paid much attention to anyways).

This is WEEKS late so I'm just going to upload it and hope I didn't leave out too much.