My Journal

August 29th

Who's ready to get fucking sad, eh?!

First of all, I haven't been talking to Chase because I told him that he and I should take a break from one another.

It really is just a break but it's so hard.

I'm pretty sure I saw him crying in the library today, and I wanted to go up and say something, but I was scared that he'd just tell me to leave or something- like I'm the last person he'd want to talk to about his problems.

Which would make sense but, still.

I've been talking a lot with Grace recently about our common problem...

She's the only one I can talk to about it. Not even Michelle would get where I'm coming from.

Michelle just hasn't been through what Grace and I have both been through. It's a lot to understand and some people just can't... It's nothing against her.

It's just that she thinks everyone should do what's good for them, even when that shit is really hard and could end up having serious consequences.

So, yeah, Grace has pretty much been my rock throughout this whole month.

My sister is also now ungrounded. I don't know if I wrote about this before, but my sister got in serious trouble with my parents for smoking weed and wasn't allowed out for three weeks. No phones, no computers, no talking. Just Lynn.

And she hated it.

She hated it so much, she had panic attacks galore. It was my hell. She never stopped crying. Woke me up on the first day of school at 4:30 to call my dad.

I had gone to bed at 2:30.

The first day was easy. The second was easy. The third; that was the hardest.

Off-topic: I've been hanging out with Grace more, anyways. We've been bonding. I think it's because Michelle always has to cancel all the time because her parents basically keeps her locked up as a prisoner.

But it's nice. We always end up having nice heart-to-hearts and on saturday, we're going to iHOP. I'm really excited, because one of my favorite things about her is her ability to fuck up a waffle in 1.2 seconds. It's incredible.

I made the mistake of going through my camera just now. Don't go through old footage unless you're ready to get extremely nostalgic or discover photos you've never even seen that could make you sad.

Because trust me, it happens.

I've been thinking a lot about death lately. I wrote these letters in case anything ever happened to me. They're sad but they're Real. There's one for everyone.

Including people I don't like. But nothing to insult her, just a full explanation of the truth. Because she'll deserve it eventually and I figure that day will be when I finally meet life's end.

That's all I'm gonna say tonight, I'm gonna pass out so goodnight.