My Journal

March 5th, 2017

Early March is a beautiful time of year.

It's cool and breezy outside, so I lie in my bed with my window open, opposed to actually stepping foot outdoors.

This past week has been long and unforgiving, whereas I almost lost a good friend ok Friday, and was depressed nearly all week before that.

Michelle and I got into a huge fight after she dropped planes and then Grace followed suit. I was simply upset and not up for conversation. I told them I'd gone to my locker so they wouldn't think I was mad.

And then Michelle showed up at my locker and we fought for an hour.

I was shaking with anxiety and anger, crying out of fear and frustration. I was unable to focus for two whole periods.

But then fifth period came and I got to sit with Ethan, Brendan and Amber, who'd been able to make me laugh and forget all of my shit for an hour.

Ethan is new. He's intelligent and musically gifted, and has been accepted to every college he'd applied to (so he tells me). I don't know him, but I felt a sort of pride when he'd told me about college.

Lynn placed third in her rowing regatta. I'm so proud of her! At the last one, they lost bad. Like, last place in both races bad.

I saw Get Out with my sister. It was incredible. Thrilling, plot twisting, and full of comic relief. I mean, I was always laughing about something.

Also, while we were at the movies, a woman came in and said "there's free popcorn in the lobby!" loud enough for the whole theatre to hear. Which was hilarious enough. And then five minutes later, a guy came in and yells "she wasn't lying."

I just thought it was funny.

On Friday night, Michelle called me and asked forgiveness. Even though I immediately forgave, I couldn't forget. The shit she said really hurt me.

Immediately after, she told me that Amber asked her out. Although I'd been the one to set them up and give them the extra push, I couldn't help but feel a little lost. I was sort of starting to have feelings for Amber... It's stupid, I'm probably just lonely! Anyways, I got over it quick.

I need to be there for Michelle, and luckily, feeling nothing is a strong suit at times.

Michelle and Ambers date went amazingly! They held hands and bowled and played arcade games. I'm happy for them, I really am.

Also, I think I forgot to mention Chase made it into our schools production of Addams Family! He's an ancestor! I feel like a mother, I am so proud of that kid.

For Valentine's day, he wrote a really touching card that I'd mostly only skimmed over when I originally read it because there was a lot of furry jokes on the next page (I'm not a furry). But then it was still in my book bag and I read it a few days ago and I started crying. An underlined set of words saved my day.

Mr. T, the school's most hated teacher is leaving this upcoming Wednesday.

It's not that we all hate him, he's just strict and hands out too much work.

We have to read the most BORING book ever and then write two notes and quotes per page.

PER PAGE!

The honors gifted class didn't even have to do that much.

And yet we don't even get as much credit as they do. It's outrageous, it really is.

Fortunately, I will be gone all day that day. I will be volunteering for spring fling. Since I'm out on school business, I won't be marked absent.

How exciting?!

Also, I got nominated to go to fucking London! In 2018, I will be on a flight with no more than 20 other theatre kids to London to see shows, backstages, and workshops.

How could it get better?

Chase was also nominated! So he and I will get to go to another continent to see some of the coolest theatre in the world.

What I can't figure out is just how I got nominated. Everyone is in shoes or at least participates in class. So my nomination must've been a mistake, because my participation in the class is abysmal and I've never been in a show before.

It says my academic achievement, but I have C's in two classes.

Whatever, I'll take what I can get.

I'm going to a hockey game tonight; one of Teds games. He's in a C ranked recreational league and the games are fun because it's not crowded. There's an average of 3-9 people in the stands.

It's a very small league and most of the games are pretty late at night, so family members can't/don't want to come.

But I love these games. The players love having me there photograph them and I love being there because I enjoy the sport.

It's the only escape I have from my regularly scheduled bullshit. It's the commercial break from heaven.

Plus, it comes with cheese fries and there are usually no children. Zero. It truly is a gift from God himself.

Also on Friday, I went to a rally (?). Some people from the Westborough baptist church (??) showed up and tried to preach their hate. So basically a bunch of us gathered around them so no one could read their signs. It's a cool thing.

That's like the worst picture ever, but okay.

I think Chase is the only person who still reads this, but that doesn't make sense because I usually get 2-3 reads annually.

It really makes me wonder; who else knows more about my life then some of my best friends? Does anyone else know about this that I'm friends with? Could I possibly be harboring a stalker through wattpad?

Crazy.

I'm sitting at my window and first of all, a man just walked by with the cutest little dog. Second of all, a squirrel just fell out of a tree.

I think I might go for a walk.