My Journal

June 19th

Nearly every night, I lie in bed and try not to cry as I realize "oh shit, I haven't called my dad... He probably thinks I don't love him." Which is rather ridiculous, I know.

Some nights, we can't talk, just because his work place is very busy. Taking/dispatching 911 calls isn't exactly a job where you can just take a smoke break or just screw around and not do your job.

Although I have found that his coworkers and he are rather silly. For people who work at an either "heroic" or "depressing" job (depends on who you hear from) they all seem to be able to have a good laugh and get along considerably well.

But this day, it was Father's Day. I felt awful for only getting him a card and a shitty Lowe's gift card for $25. But he appreciated it more than we knew, I think.

He wanted a relaxing day. Marie and I got home from Erica's house at around noon, and then we all went to my grandfathers grave.

After planting two poorly placed flowers, we stood in silence. One glance at my dad told me he was on the verge of tears.

"He died on Father's Day, technically." My dad told Marie and I.

"He was pronounced dead at the hospital at probably, hmm," he pondered a moment. "12:03 a.m. That Sunday." He chuckled, like what he'd just old us had somehow been amusing. I didn't understand at first, until he completed his story.

"Your mother went down to the hospital and made the point that it was Father's Day. She demanded they push the time of death back. They changed it to 11:58, I think."

My mother, as much as I love her, could not take no for an answer, at least not from any authority above her. ESPECIALLY when it came to her family. My family comes before everything else. Then Felicia and Chase come after, then Lynn. No offense to Lynn, I love her I've just got a stronger bond with the other two.

My dad, Marie and I went home. We got Amato's for dinner (an amazing restaurant a block away) and watched The Force Awakens. I ended up really enjoying it, despite my protests when he first introduced the mere idea of watching that movie.

I packed up after that. One of the hardest parts about going to Philly is packing up to leave. That place is more like a home to me than anywhere. I only feel as safe in Georgia when I'm at Chases house.

After I put everything away, it was midnight. Rough for me considering I had to get up at 3:30 a.m. The next morning to catch my flight, boarding at 6.

I thought about my dad and everything he's done for me. He's raised me right. He raised three kids that weren't even his. All of them are going on to do great things. Sure, my mom had a lot to do with it as well. But my dad stepping in to be a father figure to three kids who's dad had passed, probably the bravest thing a man can do.

Especially due to Erica's protests about him when she was young. Just like I had felt toward Ted, Erica hated my father. Now they occasionally have dinner, she calls him dad.

It has never been easy on my dad, surely. Getting three kids all at once and then another, and then another. Especially on my parents payroll. There's not possible way that it wasn't difficult for him.

I'm incredibly proud of my father. I'm proud of who he is. I'm proud that he wants to go back to school in the fall and make his dream come true. I'm proud that he cares so much about all five of us. I'm proud that he was able to do all that he did in his lifetime and save lives in all of his jobs.

I'm not only proud of my father, but I miss him.