My Journal

June 12th

I woke up at roughly nine in the morning. The first thing I always do is check my social medias. I went on snapchat and opened people's story.

I opened daily mail. The first story was a gay night club, The Pulse, was shot up. 20 dead, 40 injured. I swear to god, I sat up in mere shock.

The article she'd little light on the situation. I was only sure that the male perpetrator had walked into a nightclub and opened fire. Then taking people hostage until cops shot Omar Mateen dead in a shootout.

And after I'd just gotten done a pro-America rant yesterday.

There are no words. I cried, truthfully. A lot of my friends are gay, I'm bi. Felicia said she'd worried. She said "if you were a couple years older, what if you went with some friends?" I told her not to worry.

That probably would never happen to me.

But with seven mass shootings in the past week in America and no end in sight, that could very well happen to me. Gun control laws aren't being placed still. We have to watch people die still. We have to hear what could've been still. We have to hear the list of the deceased. But still, no laws, no change. It's all a bit childish. You could fix it, but you won't because it's easier to watch idly by than to jump into action. Act like you ever cared, go ahead, see what that does. It won't do you any good when you get that knock on your door, the cop standing there with his arms at his sides holding his hat respectively in one hand as they tell you the news.

I wanted to throw up as cnn played videos of people limping, blood everywhere, and men and women carrying people to trucks.

With 50 dead and 50 injured, there was no telling how long it would take ambulances to get to and from the scene.

It was said that due to cops training, they saved over thirty lives. This may be the only time I'm thankful for cops training.

After I couldn't watch anymore, I went to the mall with my mother to get a new phone. Not because I didn't wanna watch, but because we'd been planning this for days. I left with nothing because she wanted me to get the same phone I have with less storage. And since that's practically a downgrade, I figured I might as well keep the one I have.

When I got home, Marie's old friend Alex was there. She was the one Marie fought the two girls with. Yes, my little sister and her friend had a fist fight with two other girls... In my front yard. They were going to keep it a secret from my mom, but when a van showed up with 8 people, Sierra woke my mom and Ted, and they called the cops. My mom was livid.

When Alex went home, she called back and told us that her mother had gone to their house in a drunken tantrum. She returned later and beat her.

I was glad to see her. She'd been living with her dad for quite some time after Alex had found her mother lying there on her bed not breathing and called 911. They saved her and she was sent to rehab.

They went to a Mexican restaurant down the road and around the corner, so I went to the store with my mom.

After we'd all returned, I ate dinner. We talked and watched some news (where they repeated the same information over and over) until it was time for teds hockey game.

I left with Sierra while Alex, Marie, my mom and Ted went in another car.

The hockey game was awful, teds team losing 2-0. I took plenty of pictures, and thereafter someone offered me money for any good shots. I told him to keep his money, he could have them for free.

I wasn't going to exploit my hobby for money. He told me he'd liked my photos. He's on teds team, so he was gonna come back next week to get them.

After I came back home, I went into my room, exhausted. I looked at the time, contemplating finishing up this chapter before sleeping. But it's not a job j have to do. Once again, just another hobby. It's not like it's important anyway. No one reading cares.

Honestly if you're reading this, I've got one question. Why? Literally my life is so boring, I'd rather kill myself than continue living it. Although I continue living because I don't have the ball to do anything, but seriously, I don't understand.

I guess it doesn't matter.