His Jealous Girlfriend

Jealousy 36

Rica's POV
My decision is final. Pinag-isipan ko ito buong gabi. Sasama kami kina lolo sa Amerika para sa ikabubuti ni mommy. What about me and Marco?

That is the first thing I considered before I came up with my answer. I thought of the consequences if ever we are going to leave. Yes, it will be hard for the both of us. Papayagan niya kaya akong umalis? Siguro ay oo dahil para naman ito sa aking ina. Knowing Marco, he will support me with this. Maiiintindihan niya ang dahilan ng pag-alis namin.

But how about me?

Ang isipin pa lang na malayo sa kaniya ay parang kay hirap na. I don't know if I'll be able to live a day abroad without missing him. Hindi ko yata kaya. Baka araw araw akong mabuwang sa kakaisip kung anong ginagawa niya dito sa Pinas.

He's also going to enter into college. Mas lalawak na ang kaniyang mundo. Mas madami siyang makikilala at mas lalong magiging busy ang kaniyang buhay. With the burden of being a college student that I read and hear from those who experienced and experiencing it, his time for me will be lessen. How am I going to sleep peacefully knowing that he's out all night for a group report? How will I ensure that those sluts out there will know their boundaries and that my boyfriend is not available to be their target?

In addition to that, I am not also certain if we will return here someday. Paano kung hindi na? What if my mom will decide to stay there for good? Paano kung nandoon na kami ay hindi na niya gugustuhin pang bumalik para hindi na muling mangulila nang lubos kay daddy?

There are many what ifs. I don't know.

Basta ang alam ko lang ay kailangan kong mag-focus ngayon kay mommy para sa fast recovery niya. My grandparents are planning to seek help from psychologists there and of course, I will need to give all my time for my mother. Higit kanino man, ako dapat ang palaging nasa tabi niya para alagaan siya.

That's the reason why I need to forget about myself for now. If I'm going to be preoccupied by my long distance relationship, how am I going to focus on her?

Also, I'm considering Marco's situation. Our future is full of uncertainties. Paano kung hindi ko na siya mabalikan? I don't want him to wait for nothing.

Even just the thought of it breaks my heart into pieces. But I need to do this. I have to end my relationship with him. We need to break up.

I will tell him everything right here and right now. Sa burol kung saan namin ibinahagi ang mga plano namin sa buhay, kung saan kami gumawa ng imahe ng pamilya namin sa hinaharap.

"Why did you suddenly want to go here, babe?"
Nakangiting tanong niya. Pagkatapos nilang ipasa ang kanilang thesis sa kanilang thesis adviser ay sinundo niya agad ako sa bahay para pumunta dito.

He seems so happy that he'll graduate soon and here you are, planning to give him a reason to be sad. Ang sama mong tao, Rica.

My conscience whispered to me. Naiiyak na agad ako habang iniisip ang gagawin ko. Bakit ngayon na? Dahil sasabog na yata ang puso ko sa kakaisip kung paano ko gagawin ito. Pakiramdam ko, kapag pinatagal ko pa ay magbago lang ang isip ko. Kailan kong manindigan para sa aking ina.

"I have to tell you something."
Sagot ko at nag-iwas ng tingin. Hindi ko kayang titigan ang kaniyang maamong mukha. Bumibigat ang pakiramdam ko. Sa halip ay tiningnan ko na lamang ang araw na papalubog na sa kulay kael na langit.

Ngayon lang ako nalungkot sa sunset. Siguro dahil katulad ng pagkawala ng araw sa langit ay iiwan ko rin si Marco. And at this moment, I am going to start being away from my sky.

"What is it, babe? Bakit kailangang dito mo pa sabihin?"
Aniya at naramdaman ko ang kaniya mga kamay na pumulupot na parang ahas sa aking baywang. Ipinatong din niya ang kaniyang baba sa aking balikat.