Imagine If....

Your Anxiety Takes Control...

*Trigger warning! Showcases someone having anxiety! Please be cautious when reading!!*

You wish you could say today was like every other day, but it wasn't. All your life, you've been in a gruesome battle with anxiety, and most of the time, it won. Like today, as you were going through routine tasks, it slowly snuck up behind you and quickly consumed you.

Whenever you had your anxiety, it crippled you, making you not able to do anything. Sometimes it didn't take a lot to trigger it, other days it took metric tons of stress to activate it. Every time you had one, though, it made you feel as if the whole world was coming to an end. That everything was being put down on your shoulders, and you couldn't do jack shit about it. As it all came down on you, all you wanted to do was escape from it all. The anxiety, life, just everything.

When your anxiety struck, it started with the sweating. It wasn't just typical sweating, though, you would sweat buckets. Not matter how much water or Gatorade you put back in your body, it just sweats out 15 seconds later. After the sweating was the shortness of breath. Your throat constricted considerably, and you were gasping for air every single time. It felt as if someone had your neck in a vise grip and was trying to squeeze every iota of life out of you. 

Next came the final stage of your anxiety, but the worst of them all; nausea. A gut-wrenching feeling in your stomach materialized out of nowhere and brought you down to your knees. In most cases, it felt as if it was just an intense case of butterflies fluttering about, but in those rare cases, is when the worst came. It would go from a slight nagging feeling to a sharp pain, as if someone was twisting a knife in your gut as you laid there, curled up in a ball.

Once that passed, everything was ok, except today. You still felt the anxiety attack effects still lingering in you. When this happened, your boyfriend Mark would come and hold you, telling you that everything was ok and he'd be there until it ended. That wouldn't happen in this case. Mark was currently out for the day with Sean, Matt, and Ryan having a guy's day since Sean had arrived in America yesterday.

You hated to bother Mark when he was with his friends since he didn't get much time with them, to begin with. No matter how many times Mark told you that he was happy to be there for you and that it was no trouble to him, you thought the opposite. Every time you got hit with your anxiety, you felt that you were such a bother to be dealt with.

Even though you hated to do it, you reached a shaky hand towards your phone that was on the table above you. You managed to grab your phone and bring it back down to you as your back flat against the wall.  As you pushed yourself to take deep breaths in and out, you dialed Mark and hit call. As it rang, your anxiety seemed to climb as you waited for him to answer.

Hi, you've reached Mark. You know what to do!! 

Shit, you thought as you hung up the phone. You got his fucking voicemail, just what you needed at this point. You debated calling Mark again, but you decided to call Sean instead. You were going to go through every single one of his friends until one of them answered. You may have had hesitation about calling him before hand, but now you knew you had to talk to Mark. You needed him to calm the storm that was slowly raging inside of you.

It had only rung twice before Sean picked up.

"Hello?" He asked, his Irish accent incredibly thick.

"Sean, it's me Y/N. Is Mark there, he isn't answering his phone." You asked, your voice wavering halfway through.

"Yep, let me get him for you," You heard Sean say before he pulled the phone away from him. Sean shouted clearly, as you heard him yell, "Yo Mark, it's your girlfriend. Says it's important!" There was some unclear speaking going on in the background as you heard the phone being passed off to presumably Mark. 

"Y/N, is everything ok?" His deep, concerned voice easily carried as you heard him start walking away from everyone else.

"Mark... it's happening again... I can't fucking take it." You managed to get out in between your gasps for breath and sobbing. A long sigh came from the other end, as you imagined Mark running a hand through his newly dyed blue hair.

"Y/N, I need you to listen to me ok?" Mark's comforting voice asked you. All you could respond with was a, "Uh huh."

"It's ok, you're going to be ok. Just breathe. Breathe, and remind yourself of all the times in the past you've felt this scared. All the times you've felt this anxious and overwhelmed. All the times you've felt this level of pain. And remind yourself how each time, you made it through." Mark comforted you, his already deep voice being dragged down an octave by his quiet, calm tone. "Life has thrown so much at you, and despite how difficult things have been, you've survived. Breathe and trust that you can survive this too. Trust that this struggle is part of the success. And trust as long as you don't give up and keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem, you will make it."

For the next couple of minutes, you listened to his breathing through the phone. As you focused yourself on his breathing, you could hear Mark mumble the occasional, "You're doing great sweetheart" or "That's it, there you go." Eventually, your breathing returned to normal and those feelings of anxiety ran away. You were calmed down so much, that you actually started to yawn.

"Take it talking to me worked then, huh?"

"You have no idea." You replied as you yawned once more.

"Listen I gotta get back to the guys, but I'll be home in a few hours and I'll be there for you, ok? In the mean time, just keep breathing and if anything happens, you call me ok?" You could tell the protectiveness in Mark was starting to come out, which made you smile slightly.

"As always. Thank you, Mark, it means the world. I love you." There were a few seconds of silence before you heard him reply.

"Finally, someone's realised my potential," Mark joked before clearing his throat. "It's no problem, Y/N, really. I wouldn't have it any other way."

After he hung up, you rested your head against the wall, closing your eyes in the process. You may not have been happy that the anxiety's in your life, but you're happy Mark is.

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Ahh, this gave me the feels as I was writing that, is that a bad thing? Haha, but in all seriousness. Anxiety plagues alot of people in this world, and it's a shit storm to deal with, I deal with some anxiety issues due to some bullying my freshman year of high school. If any of you out there feel that it's all coming down on you, and it's too much to handle, remember that you're not alone! If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to inbox me and I'll gladly take your mind off the whole situation! Just know you're not alone :)

In other news..... WE HIT 100 READS GUYS!!! I'm so happy and excited about this! When I first started writing these Imagines, I didn't think anybody  would enjoy them, but I'm beyond estastic to know that you guys love reading them as much as I love writing them. Here's to 100's of more views!! 

~Miranda~