Chasing After My Life. (Another cancer story)

Chapter 17

A/N: The song for this chapter is Don't Let Go by Josh Wilson. Enjoy.

April

They noticed me and the tears in my eyes. It was too late. They called after me but I didn't care. If I lose him I have nothing I will stop treatments. I took off running, pulling my key out of my pocket. I got my license for my birthday and my parents had bought me my own used Silver Honda Accord. I threw myself into the front seat of my car and cried my hand over my mouth sobbing and screaming into it after closing the door. I locked the doors. My surroundings were slightly blurry with my tears welled in my eyes and falling down my cheeks. I grabbed my phone and tried to call Emily. I got her voicemail so I left a message and hung up. I tried calling Beth. It was already the end of school I finished with straight A's so did Leo. It was summer and I'm officially a sophomore and Leo is a Senior. Beth might be on vacation it is summer after all or she could be working.I drove quickly arriving to the hospital and I soon found his room,he looked awful and was struggling to breathe on his own like I have always known,he had the tube down his throat and I noticed when I saw the machines not different from the ones I have been on so many times that this wasn't good. He was sleeping but I sat in the visitors chair next to him and started crying quieter. It is okay to let go,I don't want you to leave me but if you need to I understand,I whispered in his ear. I laid my head on his chest and held his hand. I fell asleep and only woke once when a doctor came in to remove the tube from down his mouth. That's a good sign if he can breathe on his own right? My mom and Sarah were going frantic looking for me. Finally they tracked me to the hospital but decided to give me some alone time. He was the one always there for me through every step no matter how hard.Listen to me you are not aloud to quit on me,do you understand, I need you, please come back to me,come back to me,if you have to let go I will understand  but choose to come back,choose me,I need you,but please don't let go, baby,please don't let go please do not leave me,I can't lose you,I can't live without you,I said beginning to cry again. I leaned in and kissed his cheek gently and softly so he'd know it was me. Looking at him I knew this was not the last time I would see him. He woke next to me smiling the next morning with me still nestled on his chest. That was the way I fell asleep I guess.I guess you found out I'm going to be okay I promise I wasn't done I ain't leaving you that easy,he explained. He smiled stroking my cheek,wiping the tears I didn't know were falling away, and now running a hand through my hair. He was released a few days later on crutches with a cast on his leg and arm but other than that seems unharmed. I have known this wasn't going to be the last time. I never left for a second. I only went to chemo and came right back. He was riding in the passenger seat. Sarah had to work so I promised to drive him home and stay with him. I didn't have a chemo session today. I've done 4 weeks worth of chemo for my second round. I might be in remission by now. I drove silently watching the road with tears again slipping down my cheeks. I took my one hand off the wheel to wipe them away then placed it back on the wheel. Soon after I placed my hand back on the wheel I removed my other one and sat it in the middle and Leo held it since his right and is the one with the cast he was able to hold it without the cast in the way. I pulled into his drive and drove down the driveway up to the house. I pulled as close to the front steps as I could. He has three steps to go up. I parked my car and cut the engine. I climbed out and quickly walked to the other side and opened the door. I helped him to get out and stand. I grabbed his crutches and handed them to him. I closed the door and we began walking to the front steps. We made them up them without incident. The couch or your room,I asked him. The couch would be nice,he said and winced in pain. I had my backpack slung over my shoulder. I helped him to walk to the living room to the couch. His grandma knew we were going to be here. She had taken the kids out for a day at the park. He sat down and winced again. I moved the crutches out of the way. Do you want your pain meds now,I asked gesturing to my backpack which had my clothes,books,phone and charger,and his meds with everything else his doctor gave us. He nodded. I sat my bag on the floor and dug through it until I found the pills I was looking for. It said to take with food,every 6 hours for pain relief. I went out and grabbed a bottle of water and a small leftover bowl of Mac'& Cheese. You have to eat some of this,I said. Alright,he said. He ate it and then I gave him the pill and the water. I curled up on the couch beside him and he lay down. His head was laying in my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair and just left them sitting there. I had previously cut the TV on for him but he wasn't watching it. I was not really truly watching it either I guess. I sat there and watched him as he slept. I kept thinking how lucky I was. Lucky to have found him,to have my him,lucky that he didn't die. One day though my luck is going to run out and I'm not sure I want to be here for it when it does. That day I went rushing to the hospital upset and called Emily and Beth but never got an answer. Tristan texted me about why Emily didn't answer her phone. He told me that she had caught a bug and was in the ICU. She's still there. They've only let Tristan see her once. It doesn't look good he had told me. I wanted to visit her and Tristan but I couldn't leave Leo I explained all this to Tristan. I told him that as soon as I had chemo again I would visit. Beth sent me a text wanting to know what was wrong. I told her everything. I continued to sit there just thinking and watching him. I had tears sliding down my cheeks again. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back so that if my eyes were open I would be looking at the ceiling. Every time all I could see was him laying in that bed. And if it wasn't that I would see me in his place and instead of waking up and being alive I never woke and I stopped living,I stopped being alive. God this was so hard. I continued to let the tears fall. One voice brought me back to the present.