Chasing After My Life. (Another cancer story)

Chapter 4

A/N: Added a song called Stronger by Evan Duffy thanks for reading enjoy.

April
Eventually moments that seemed like hours later,the doctor and Sarah left to leave me and Leo alone with the news so it could sink in.As soon as they were gone Leo who was normally smiling and happy turned serious and said,I am so sorry. That was when I was silent over thinking it and couldn't take it. I soon after broke down and fell apart like they had been waiting for me too. 15 years was not long enough I haven't even had a prom and thinking about the younger kids who have died and haven't had any experiences I was lucky but not lucky. Than again this was how the universe seemed to work. It always hurts and attacks the most innocent and normal people. I pulled my legs close so I was sitting in a ball while,crying into my hands and wetting my leggings which I had put back on not wanting a gown and put on my normal soft clothing so mad at the world for making this happen to me.I was full out sobbing and crying hard oh so hard. I wanted to hit something but restrained to crying my pain out.Eventually a minute later although still crying had calmed down and was not crying nearly as hard.Are you okay,he asked. I just shook my head trying to avoid his eyes and then eventually gave up trying and looked at his eyes. He tried to help but I fought his arms. I let them envelope me before he released me onto my pillow to regain my composure. I was so scared I kept my composure gaining it quickly but slowly before all of the walls tumbled down again and I lost it. This was what the doctor was waiting for,waiting for a normal healthy girl told she is very ill with cancer to make a reaction to break,to have the walls break. All at once all of the walls broke and tumbled down. The walls I spent years building,suddenly,break and tumble away leaving a sobbing broken mess in its wake. Do you want or need anything,he asked me concerned. Will you hold me for a little while and promise me something,I said. I will and anything,he promised. Will you promise to remain with me no matter what happens just stay with me,I said. Always I promise,he promised. Honestly I scared,I don't want anything to happen,I want to stay here with you,I want to live,I said. There is no reason to be scared,he said reassuringly. Isn't there though,I said. Leo,on that table anything can happen to me,that table is my time bomb,it is where I will either stay alive and continue this fight or it will be the last place I will ever live and breath,it will be where I will die,I said. Don't think like that,there is nothing to worry about,you are going to live,you will be fine,nothing is going to happen to you,he reassured me,looking me dead in the eyes. That is all I want,I said. I softly started to cry again. He moved the bed rail down and carefully without disturbing the things next to me,seated himself. Hey,hey,April look at me,you are gonna be okay you will get through this--we will get through this--together,he said,pulling me head into his warm chest,a gentle embrace. It won't though this is---life altering---I'm not going to be the same person,I stuttered between sobs.Yes it will,I know you,you are a fighter,you have things to live for,worth fighting for you,shh,shh,it'll be alright,he whispered stroking my hair. I cried a slight bit harder at that,sobbing ugly sobs into his chest,wetting his shirt. Why do you want to do this,you will find another me,a better me,I whispered. No,you want to know why I want to do this,he asked into my ear. I nodded slightly. Because I will never again find another you who I love deeply,he said. That made me smile and a few more unwanted tears came out and fell down my cheeks. Sometime later,I fell asleep. I guess that he did too with my head rested against his chest,my arms holding onto him for dear life. I'm holding on for this crazy journey. When I woke again,I signed the forms they brought to me. In exactly one hour,I will undergo the needed,risky surgery,to try to save my life. Life I realized is worth living no matter what the obstacle,what the fight. I'm not ready,I thought. I'm nervous,no actually,I'm terrified. He followed me for as long as he could and hugged me before they made him leave to continue on with just me. Many hours later,I was back in my ICU cubicle. That was a very long surgery and at one point they had to restart my heart. They don't know for sure when I will wake up but I am basically breathing on my own with a slight assistance from the oxygen nubbins. That's a good thing right. Maybe I will wake up sometime soon in a couple hours or it could be a few weeks or even a few months. I heard the nurse,Sarah's Friend,explaining to Leo out in the hall that I was in a coma. I should wake soon but they don't know when. For now,we just have to keep hope. Of course,he was a total mess when he entered my room. His hair was disheveled,their were new dark circles under his eyes,and his face was red and blotchy,a color I had never seen on his face before.At first,he backed up as if he were repelled by an invisible force pushing him back.He squinted then,as if I was bright. He walked in finally,and quickly sat in the chair next to my bed,his hand finding mine. Talk to her,the nurse said before leaving. I looked dead but I knew by the steady beeps on the heart monitor,the gentle rise and fall of my chest with each breath,that I was alive. The warmth of his hand in mine brought me back and then the sound of his voice shocked me. Promise me something,he said. Promise me that you'll never give up okay,he added next. He looked at my hand then at my face and I whispered to myself since no one could hear,"okay I promise".