Chasing After My Life. (Another cancer story)

Chapter 46

April's POV
Sarah and my doctor returned about an hour later knowing that I can probably be discharged today as long as I'm monitored closely at home. I was sick of these white walls and ceilings with their fluorescent lighting. I hadn't moved from my position,the only thing I'd changed in that time frame was the grasp I'd had on Leo's hand. I opened my eyes as the door sliding closed announced their arrival. I rolled from my side onto my back so be able to look at them. Sarah came and sat in the chair on my other side. She grasped my other hand. The look on both of their faces could only be described as grim which told me that this was not going to be good news. April,my oncologist began and then trailed off. April,he began again,there's just no easier way to say this and I think you know what I'm going to say already,he finished. You're cancer has returned,he said. At that moment,my world seemed to stop moving for a moment as the words I'd been expecting sunk in. He's right I knew he was going to say it and there was no easier way to lessen the blow. He began to go into detail of what exactly we were dealing with as he explained the blood they'd taken when I was admitted a week ago. They had been working on a treatment plan this morning. If I was okay with it,they wanted to try a stronger chemo treatment which may put me into remission and keep it from recurring again. I could barely focus on them. The only thing I could truly hear was the words,"you're cancer is back", playing on repeat in my brain. With a grim nod of his head,he walked out of my cubicle. Sarah just pulled me to her in a hug. I was still kind of in a daze. It's back. I have cancer. Leo hugged my from behind. Against his will,I could feel his tears as they dropped onto my shoulder,wetting it slightly. I had one arm around Sarah and the other I took to reach back and grabbed his arm. I squeezed it tightly to let him know I was here and even if I didn't really want to do it again,I was going to fight this thing for my life and I was not going to let it win easy. Sarah released me as she went to get my discharge papers. Leo came around and took her place. I put both arms around him and held tight to his sweatshirt for my life. I wanted to cry but now I was not the time and I held the tears in. Sarah returned then and I let go. A nurse came in behind her to remove my IV and the oxygen nubbins since I no longer needed either. The nurse left and brought in a wheelchair. Sarah had brought me some clothes. Leo stepped out for a moment as I changed into my sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. Sarah and Leo helped me to get into the wheelchair. I hadn't walked in a week my legs were kind of asleep still. Leo pushed me as Sarah walked beside me with the discharge papers. We got onto the elevator to go to the lobby floor. She showed the nurse down their my discharge papers and then went out to get the car as Leo rolled me to the door. He helped to get me in the car then buckled me up. The sky was cloudy and overcast. It was definitely going to rain. He walked around and climbed in the back with me. He slid into the middle seat and put his seatbelt on. He put his arm around me and I wrapped both of mine around him and snuggled closer to his chest. I just held onto him with all my might. He was my anchor,the only thing still holding me here. With that thought,I began to truly cry softly. The tears just began to pour down my face I could tell he felt it and he just enveloped me into his warm arms and chest. This simple act made me cry harder. It was hard to keep it quiet but I didn't want Sarah to notice I was crying to although she probably already did and was probably expecting me too. I would have to have had some reaction to this news. I held him tighter as I made a wet spot on his shirt. I grasped at the sweatshirt around his shoulders. Eventually,I slept again. Crying wore me out especially after being as sick as I was. I guess it's not was no longer but as sick as I am. I don't even know how I'm going to be able to do this again. I have to try,I'm not quitting,not that Leo would really let me. I will not go down without a fight. This will not be the thing to cause my death. I woke up when we turned into the drive to the house. Hey,sleepyhead,Leo whispered softly. Hey,I whispered back and looked up at him. I knew I probably looked bad. I was an ugly crier with red,puffy,and blotchy skin. He stroked my hair gently and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I put a hand on his cheek. Then it was time to get out. This I did on my own. I hated to rely on people. I walked up the stairs into the house and into our room. I sat down on the end of our bed and then lay back as I waited for Leo to come in. I heard the door softly click and felt as he sat beside me. I patted the bed beside me and he took the cue. He lay back laying next to me. Are you okay,he said quietly. Not really,I whispered. I was hoping it wasn't true,I finished. I know me too,he replied. I'm so scared I won't beat it again it was so hard last time,I said. I know me too but I know you've got this I believe in you,he answered. He found my hand and our fingers entwined. We just lay there like that until Sarah came in to tell us that dinner was ready.