Chasing After My Life. (Another cancer story)

Chapter 29

April
Leo and I sat comfortably in quiet for a little while just holding hands and being grateful for life. Even if this wasn't the life I would have chosen for myself at least during this time I'm still grateful because I'm still alive and fighting and it all hasn't been bad. I was brought closer to Leo and that was when we fell in love. Life is a beautiful journey you just have to stay along for the ride. It's amazing. Life can be one thing one moment and turn into something else in another. I love it though every last second of it even the bad. You just have to look to find something good in the bad and that's what is so great about life. You just have to be grateful for it and keep hanging in there tough times don't last long only a moment then it can change to something new. A little while later Sarah and the doctor stopped by like I knew they would. He checked my incision and removed the stitches. They both informed me then that they would like to add another high dosage of radiation in with the chemo,I would be aloud to go home under close observation just not to school and that I'd have to be really careful. They don't know how it would affect me but they believe that it may make my cancer numbers shrink down again into manageable numbers we had before it began the climb back up. There's one thing I'm not gonna do and that's let this cancer kill me while I'm young with my life ahead of me I'm going to beat this. I'm going to live my entire life and probably marry Leo and try to start a family. The one major thing they don't list as a side effect of chemo and radiation is that it could cause infertility. There's a chance that I may not get the kids I'd want in my family when I envision the future I will hopefully have. I'm okay if it's only me and Leo just as long as I'm there to see it. I asked for him to join me on the bed. He did as I asked carefully. I've been unconscious for days I just need him to be close. He wrapped his arms around me and gently pulled me close. I leaned my head into his chest and breathed deep the scent of him. The tears began to fall as he held me there against him and I leaned into him. I put my hand on his chest and shook my head no when he asked if I was okay. A couple of days later I went to radiation. I can see what Tristan meant about it being exhausting and not knowing how Emily did it all the time. I was released after that I'd have radiation again on Monday and Chemo on Tuesday. It would alternate. I went home and slept. Sunday morning I woke up late in the afternoon and checked my phone. Leo was out for the day he had some kind of dinner before swim team starts. Then I'll be going to the meets probably. Tristan had texted me. T;Do you want to get together,I want to do something leave the hospital for a little while?. I responded,yeah sure how bout I pick you up at 2:30. He responded instantly. Yeah that's fine,see ya in a bit. I ran my fingers through my very short hair that was beginning to grow back it was almost page boy length the length it was before I lost it all. I climbed carefully out of bed and grabbed my clothes rolling my cannula behind me. I shut the door and went down the hall to the bathroom. I shut the door when I was inside. I look in the mirror and saw how exhausted I look. I had deep dark circles under my eyes and my features seemed shrunken but could've been pretty. I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand it. Before I got in it was so hot that the mirror steamed and my face disappeared. I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair one last time. I lifted my tank as close as I could to the shower but where it wouldn't get wet. I just stood letting the water wash over me knowing that I was already changing and probably wouldn't be the same person I once was ever again. When I was done I slid on my t-shirt and jeans. I wore my converses and brushed my hair out to the side and clipped it back. I went back to our bedroom and grabbed my small backpack and purse. I quickly scrawled a note for when they got back. I didn't want them to wait for me or not go so I made them go without me. Went to visit a friend from the hospital be back later ~love April. Somebody will get it. I grabbed my car keys and drove myself to the hospital where I picked up Tristan. On the way I listened to music and had cried a little and furiously wiped them away. I was mad at everything this cancer was taking from me. I had applied makeup before I left so nobody could see that I was sick or what was happening to me. I had a beanie on my head. At the hospital he climbed in my car. I was living a little anyway that is what I'm not letting it take my life or will to live. Hey how are you,he asked smiling. When he saw how tear stained my face was he lost his smile and asked me if I was okay. I could see the concern and worry in his eyes. I wiped away a stray tear and nodded yes. Where are we going,I asked. Well our only options are the movies,the indoor pool at the water park,or crashing some stores or the arcade and maybe grabbing something to eat he answered. How about we grab something to eat first and then decide from there,I answered. Right before I was ready to drive my phone dinged. It was Leo. Hey I just got back from the dinner and read your note is everything okay,want me to join you? He had sent. Quickly I typed and sent my reply which read Hey how was it? Everything is fine don't worry and if you want I'm not sure where we are going yet. Hey Tristan mind if Leo joins us? I asked. No that's fine the more the merrier,he said cheerfully smiling. Okay but April I can't help but worry about you I love you more than life itself and where are you going? Who is with you? He asked. I know but I love you more than anything I could ever have or be offered life,the sun ,the moon ,or the stars. I don't know where we are going yet it isn't decided and I'm with Tristan he wanted to be out of the hospital a little while so we met up. I sent it and the response was instant. I know and okay well I'll come just let me know where to meet you. Leo replied quickly. I chose to go to the restraunt about thirty minutes from the hospital. It sat out facing the ocean. The view and service was always good. I told Leo and he met up with us. We enjoyed the food and Leo and I even danced. I cried a little at that my first slow dance ever and Tristan had filmed it. We ditched the movie plans because I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I drove home without incident and changed quick before climbing into bed. Leo attempted to cover me. When he did he kissed my forehead and was about to walk away. I grabbed his shirt and said no stay. He obeyed knowing I was worried about everything and didn't want to be alone. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. We both eventually slept like that. For a while though we just lay there in silence. The following day I was rushed back to the hospital.