Chasing After My Life. (Another cancer story)

Chapter 7

A/N:I added a song with this chapter again it is from Me Before You. It is called Not Today by Imagine Dragons. Enjoy.

April

The following morning,we were up early. We had to be ready so we could eat and then be at school on time. I am so nervous. Leo keeps telling me not to worry but I can't help but worry. This will be the first time I have been to school in over 3 and a half months. I missed homecoming a couple of months ago but there will always be next year,if I am still alive that is. If I make it long enough I can look forward to going to Junior Prom with Leo this year. I ate very little for breakfast. Half a piece of toast,milk,and took my daily meds. I looked into the mirror one more time before I left. I grabbed my backpack and rolled the cart behind me. I carried it down the stairs. Leo locked the door and threw our backpacks into the back of his red Jeep. He opened the passenger door for me and helped me to get in. My tank was settled at my feet. As he drove I became more and more nervous. I had no idea what could happen today,anything could good or bad. He turned onto the school lane and found a parking space. I adjusted my nubbins,looked at the school,took a deep breath and gave Leo a reassuring smile. Here we go I thought. I opened my door and climbed out. Once I had the cart on the ground I went around the back of the Jeep and grabbed my backpack from Leo. We walked in together. We were inside the school,he held the door for me. There is no turning back now you've got this,I thought. If you need anything today text me,I will see you at lunch,okay,he said. I wouldn't make eye contact he'd see right through me at how nervous I was. Hey look at me you are gonna be fine it will be okay,he said. I looked at him. Okay,I whispered and hugged him quick and headed off to Biology my first class of the morning. I made it through the morning. My friends were glad to see me especially Beth. She had heard what had happened from a classmate. There was so much work to catch up on even though I have been in class on line there was more from yesterday since I didn't work yesterday. At lunch I grabbed a table by myself since Leo wasn't there yet but he was coming. A tray landed on the table next to me. Hey how is it going so far,they said. It was Leo. I'm sure I jumped a mile high. God,Leo don't do that you scared me,I said. It's going okay,I added. His friends soon joined us. Beth did too eventually. I laughed a lot that lunch period and it felt so good. That afternoon I had my last class of the day and the bell rang. It was time to leave. Leo did not have marching rehearsal this afternoon although he would start swim practice next week since he joined our high school's team. I met him in the lobby after the buses had all left. We walked out to the Jeep holding hands. I was pulling my cart. He took my bag from me and placed it in the back. I slid my tank in after I got in and we went home together. I would have treatments starting again in two weeks. I won't have to stay in the hospital this time but I will be exhausted and sick so I will have to school from home again I guess. Good thing my laptop and everything I need is at his house. I went out on the porch and sat on the stairs starting on my homework. He was taking care of what Adam needed. I didn't want to sit on the couch or my bed because I would fall asleep and never get my work done. He came and sat next to me. He didn't start on homework he just watched the woods,sensing that I wanted to be quiet for a while. I finished my homework and sat there silently. What's wrong,you've been so quiet,he said. It's nothing really, I whispered. Something is bothering you I know it I can see it and feel it,he said. I've been thinking how I want to have a slow dance and go to prom,to have kids,to get married,and I'm thinking that what if I don't beat this what if I don't live that long to do any of it,I said. You will make it that long,he said,I know it. I start treatments again in two weeks,Leo,what if I don't get to that,what if I die,what if I get sick,I said,there are so many possibilities of stuff that can happen to me and I cannot do a single thing about it,neither can you,I just don't want to put you through all this and in the end I die anyways and put you through crap because I died and you couldn't save me even though you loved me. I want too,you are going to be okay,I know it,this fight will get easier for you even if it isn't today,he said. I hope you are right especially about it getting easier,I said. I leaned into his arm and he wrapped it around me. We sat like that in silence for a long while,neither of us moving or talking. Eventually it was time for dinner. Sarah had brought take out from the Italian restaurant in town. I went to bed early that night. I was feeling kinda sick but I am so I was going to sleep it off. I remember that nothing hurt me when I fell asleep that night. I guess it was still night though, when I felt the pain reaching its finger from the utter unreachable center of me spreading everywhere. I couldn't distinguish it. I moaned and thrashed writhing in the pain screaming made it worse everything did but I continued needing to wake someone to help me. All I could see was a blinding white light then there was nothing but blackness. I stopped moving feeling him grip my hand and tell me to hold on though I couldn't see him as I stopped not wanting him to hurt cause I was hurting. About 15 minutes later I was on my way being medevaced to the nearest hospital I was still now feeling the straps holding me on the gurney. I opened my eyes slowly blinking against the bright light. I looked into the eyes of a kind medic though I didn't personally know him. Can you hear me,he asked. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me,the same voice said. I faintly squeezed. She's conscious now we need to know what that was vitals are climbing back up into stable numbers almost out of it ,he announced to everyone else. I could feel that the oxygen nubbins weren't there but a mask that wasn't there before when I fell asleep and my pajamas pants pushing against the straps holding my legs and the rest of me so I wouldn't fall off of the stretcher. Where is he,I tried to shout. He's right here,the kind medic said. Leo moved into my view grabbing my hand telling me it's okay as I drifted off into a more peaceful sleep. Leo's  mom was in the car behind us,following us to the hospital. The burning feeling started again,spreading everywhere,I couldn't control it. I could still see nothing but black. I can't breathe. Soon after nothingness.