Mama said

Ch.27

It was 4:15 am. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Darkness was all I could actually see, but in my mind I kept seeing that day over and over again.

a woman by the name of Kayla Jonson was pronounced dead Monday morning at 2:54am .

one neighbor in particular said that they heard loud cries almost close to an infant childs,

out of concern for their neighbor went to check on her. By the time they got to the door

she was no longer wailing, they opened the door to seeing her hanging from her ceiling fan

I quickly turned the tv off and silently cried,

*

It's all your fault

It's always been your fault

You let your own mother kill herself over two ignorant boys who want nothing more but what's in between your legs

How stupid could you be

They don't care about you

They just want want you as their personal little maid who gives it up whenever they ask

Only good thing in your life Charles

He actually took a chance on you

If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be anything

It's crazy, I can be my worst enemy sometimes, I hate being alone like this. Allowing all my thoughts to haunt me. I never wanted my mother to kill herself I was just so caught in the fact that I finally had Friends I didn't think of the outcome. I would've came back on holidays, it wasn't like I was leaving to go to war. I just wish I wasn't so hard headed.

Then again my mother had her own skeletons. Playing two men that loved her. Just because dad was always gone doesn't give her an Excuse to be fooling around with her own brother in-law. I guess that's why she was so hard on me about being with swae and jxmmi.

What if my life is turning out like my moms? Being in love with two guys and playing them both.

Well I can't say I'm in love with them, they both have qualities that other doesn't have but I wouldn't call it love. More like attraction.

"Mom why couldn't you just be honest with me about this? You told me about everything else. Everything but what I needed to know. How could you hide my own uncle from me?"

I waited like an idiot as if my mother would actually reply to me. I was just wasting my time. I can't stay here with my thoughts eating away at me  like this.

I got up and went across the hall to swaes room. I don't expect him to be awake right now but i don't need someone to talk to, I just want to be held. I guess he sensed I was there cause he put his arms around me and pulled me close.

"What you doing in here?" His morning voice is sexy

"I couldn't sleep, my mothers death is all I can think about"

"Riri that's the past, I'm not saying is your fault but you can't keep living in the past"

Past or not my mother will always be my mother. I don't see how they don't feel the least bit of sympathy for me. My mother is dead, gone and never coming back.

Wet kisses along my neck took out my train of thought.

"What are you doing"

"What does it look like"

I pushed him off of me

"Swae I didn't come in here to be fucked. I'm hurt and I was hoping you could understand and comfort me"

"Well you came to the wrong damn place, fuck I look like, Steve Harvey?"

I'm really starting to think he's bi-polar, he was just being all nice now he's acting like a real jerk.

"Why does everything have to be about sex with you?"

"Hello I'm khalif brown aka swae lee have you my met me? I like money partying and fucking hoes"

"Well I'm not a whore so I'm sorry that you thought you were going to get some"

"Man bye, waking me up at damn 4 in the morning to talk about some bs."

That's all he had to say for me to leave

"I liked you before you became famous" I slammed the door and decided to go to jxmmi room.

Jxmmis listens to me, unlike his dumbass brother. But he doesn't hold me like  swae does.

"Jxmmi?"

Did mention he's a horrible sleeper. His was sprawled out across his bed, sweat pants, no shirt or socks. Snoring with his mouth open. Sounds like he's fighting to breathe in his sleep, he should see a doctor about that.

I crawled in bed

"Jxmmi" I shook him

"Huh, I want a bad bitch with a real ass" he mumbled and tossed in his sleep.

I laughed, he must dreaming but I need room to sleep and with him all over the bed I'm on the edge.

I shook him again until he woke up

"WHAT, oh sorry baby girl "

"Could you move over"

He rolled back over to his side and I pulled the cover over my body  letting  sleep take over. I love you mom

"I love you to ends of the earth"  -mama