When I Stop Chasing

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Six

Questions

I love certainity. I love being firm with all things. I know my stand in everything. Alam ko kung ano ang dapat sabihin at gawin sa lahat ng bagay, I control myself on reacting on certain things. I'm Ofia Margo, after all, I don't do stupid things.

I can feel his wet mouth on mine, I can also feel a tear rolled on my right cheek as I stopped kissing Jao. Ang gulo ko, Ang gulo ng buong utak ko ngayon. Seconds before, I'm firm about kissing him. Alam kong hindi iyon dala ng impulsiveness, My brain decided to do that thing—To kiss Jao.

Alam ko yun, But now I regretted what have I done.

Humiwalay ako sa kanyang yapos sa bewang ko, I stepped back and bowed my head. Another batch of tears were approaching to drop from my lids. Hindi ko na napagilan ang pagbagsak 'neto, I let them... I let it free...

What have I done?

Why did I kiss him?

Kita ko ang sapatos ni Jao sa baba na humakbang papalapit sa akin, Agad akong humakbang papaatras. I can feel my shoulder's shaking and I'm making some noise because of crying. Kita ko ang paghakbang ulit ni Jao kaya hahakbang sana ako ngunit huli na dahil hawak na agad ni Jao ang bewang ko, I flinched.

He buried his face on my shoulder and gripped me tighter to his hug.

Biglang nanlambot ang puso ko, Bigla akong nanghina sa kanyang galaw. I slowly wrapped my arms to him and gripped his shirt on my fist. Inihilig ko ang aking ulo sa kanyang ulo and I cried all my tears.

He's Jao. He's my friend. Alam kong naiintindihan niya ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. He's Jao, He's one of my familiarity. Kissing him is not that bad, He's still my friend.... Maybe loving him wouldn't be that bad.... Maybe he will be still my friend...

"Siya na naman ba?" Mahina niyang tanong, Pero rinig na rinig ko iyon. He murmured it on my shoulder. I can feel his nose bridge pressed on my shoulder blades.

I did not answer nor nodded my head. Alam na niya 'yon. He knew it from the very start. He knew very well, He knew what I feel. He's Jao. There is no way he can't understand what's going on.

Inangat niya ang kanyang muhka kaya nagtama ang mga mata namin, I can't read his eyes. I'm not sure if there's a bloodshot on it or not. I'm also not sure if I saw a glimpse of pain on it. Nagiwas ako agad ng tingin, I don't want to see it.

Because that eyes.... I have saw that before. Nakita ko na 'yon. The day when he told me what he feel for me. That's the same eyes that confronted me years before. That expressive eyes.... The pain and struggle on it, Masakit tingnan.

He held my chin at pinatingin sa kanya, Pinilit ko ang 'di pagsunod pero mas malakas siya. Knowing that his other arm were snaking my waist and holding it tightly.