When I Stop Chasing

Epilogue

Epilogue

Dearest Ofiana Margo,

          To someone who is brave and valiant all along, Hello, my love. Making this letter makes me want to shed flowery words to make you smile. Reminiscing where and when did we met first... It was so hard to remember, why? Because, I thought I first saw you at the mall being scolded by that asshole guy, I saw how the pain cross your eyes that time. I wanted to walk inside that café and grab your hand and take you away from that guy, who is clearly the love of your life, God knows how much I want to do it but I didn't.

I thought that was the first time I saw you with my naked eyes, But I was wrong. The first time we met has a lot of versions and I don't know what should I feel with that, Lol! But anyway, meeting you is the most treasured moment of my life. If I did not met you at all, I won't be having Ofiana Margo on my life.

The dynamics of my life changed when I met you. My world, it only evolves in music, arts, academics, and engineering. Now, my life is all about Ofiana Margo.

People fear Ofiana Margo. That moment, I wanted to be proud. You speaks feminism so much, You speak without any fear and doubts on every stroke of your tongue. You stood up with so much pride on how you held your chin up. Everything about you... that things.... It's wonderful.

Back then, I dreamt on you being part of my life. What does it feels like seeing her in my everyday life? I always asked that question to myself. But now, I never imagined life has been good to me for making me part of your life. It is such a pleasure, my love.

It was still a pleasure, watching you chase somebody else who is not me. It was still a pleasure chasing you for real while you are still chasing him. It is a pleasure, indeed. Because I watched every flaws that you have and it makes me want to chase you more even if it's a hopeless and sure-loss situation.

Leaving the country, leaving you here is such a great move. I dared to step out and leave you together with my feelings for you because I know... You will never be mine, never. I gave you up the moment the plane got its wheels up. I left without any goodbye. I left without any warning. You don't care anyway so what's the use of giving my farewell? I thought what I did was great.

But guess what? It wasn't.

You have this magnet that keeps pulling me back to you, no matter... how hard I try to take a step back. The force were too strong.

My attachment to Ofiana Margo is too strong.

And it's not healthy.

So I decided to leave you and my beloved country. Little did I know, No matter how many miles I set between us, Your magnet were just too strong to me.

The days, hours, and minutes that I have spent with you are too precious. Even if I know, I'm just a rebound from your heartbreak. I stayed. I endure the pain. I'm sorry for not believing on your words that time. I'm in doubt, Yes, I admit. I'm also afraid. Because If I held you the moment you wrap your arms around my neck and placed your lips on mine, I would never ever recover from this drown.

You are the death of me. And when I saw you on that hospital bed, I wanted to scowl at you, I want to be the death of you too, my love. Not that stupid car accident you have been to. Not that, I want it to be me.

I am sorry for everything. I am sorry for all the failures and loopholes that I made. I love you. No death of anyone or anything could keep us apart. Only the death of each other's. You are the death of me, my love.