When I Stop Chasing

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Two

Come Home

"Goodbye, my love."

It's been 12 hours since I heard those words. It's been hours since I heard that three cruel words. It's been hours since he kissed my forehead. And it's been hours since he told me to let go of his hand. Why does it hurt?

I've been questioning myself for hours already, Why does it hurts so much that I can't even feel anything? This pain is much different from before, much different from what I experienced from Callix. This pain is far different from the pain that took over my whole system before, Too different. More painful and more destructive.

Why does it hurt? It must be because it matters the most. It was something I treasure the most. Something that I wanted to have for the rest of my life, Something that I want to have control for so long, Something that I don't want to end, Something that my brain and my heart favors. Something that my soul really wants.... Or maybe needs.

That's why it hurts like hell. It hurts like surviving isn't in the list on the options. It hurts like giving up your last breath. It hurts like surrendering in the greatest war you have ever been to. It hurts like admitting your bitter loss. This is how it hurts. And I don't think I'll be surviving this pain. It already killed me to the deepest surface.

Clinose ko ang ineedit kong illustration at bumuntong-hininga. Wala akong magawang maganda at maayos ngayong araw. Magtatanghali na pero hindi ko pa rin natatapos ang dapat tapos ko nang illustration. The scene last night keeps replaying on my mind and keeps shooting me bullets straight to my heart. Hindi ako makapag trabaho ng maayos dahil kay Jao! I don't get him.

Fuck! Okay, I get him.

He figured out that I was just using him to move on from Callix, Fucking smart ass.

That was before, Of course!

That was before when the wound of Callix were still fresh on the surface of my heart. That was before because now, Everything has changed.

Even me, I changed. I swallowed my principle when I told myself, I would never change. Even a bit. I am damn wrong because I changed, a lot. I changed every fiber of me. It was like I changed some route, A route to where Jao is. I changed because of him, He changed me. He made me better. He made me open my eyes to all the possibilities. I changed because of Jao, Something that I am thankful of.

I hate changes, And this is the most ever loved change for the rest of my life. People change, even feelings. I changed and even my feelings changed. And I think this is the best decision I've ever made. Something that I don't regret.

My feelings for Callix isn't that big to defeat my feelings for Jao. My feelings for Jao is something that any words can't handle it. I admit, Using him to move on from Callix were the thing on my mind before. But right now, This is all real.

This feeling? This is fucking real.