When I Stop Chasing

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Five

Losing

"Good Morning, Ma'am!" I smiled at the guard who greeted me, Inayos ko ang bag na nakasukbit sa balikat ko. Hindi ito masyadong mabigat dahil kakaunti lang ang dala ko ngayon. Sandali lang naman din ako rito at hindi ako magtatagal.

"Hello, Ofia!" Bati ng mga kasamahan ko sa department pagpasok ko, Kinawayan ko sila at ngumiti. I did not budge to go to my cubicle para ibaba pa ang bag ko, Dumiretso na kaagad ako kung nasaan ang head ng department na 'to.

What I need to do today is so simple. I just need to hand the paper that I have written last night to our head and I'm going to leave this building right away. So simple. Isang Leave of Absence paper lang ipapasa ko sa kanya pero pakiramdam ko resignation na ito dahil sa panginginig ng tuhod ko. Why am I shaking?

It just don't feel right. I'm filing a leave, A temporary leave. This is my passion and this is my art. This is my profession and I want to bang my head to the wall because I'm leaving this for some personal problems. Hindi ko alam. Pakiramdam ko kasi napaka-bullshit na dahilan ang dahilan ko. But I have no any choice but to file a leave here.

I need a break from everything. Dahil kapag hindi ako nagleave rito, Maaring maapektuhan ang trabaho ko. I'm Ofia Margo and I'm not perfect. I do mistakes. I'm not that strong and good to separate my personal issues with my work. I'm very emotional person at malayong hindi ko maapektuhan ang trabaho ko sa nangyayari sa akin ngayon.

"Come in." Rinig kong sabi ng Head namin matapos kong kumatok. I gulped the lump on my throat, Kinakabahan ako.

"Oh, Miss Fabia! What brings you here? Hindi naman kita pinatawag diba?" Aniya, ngumiti ako at naglakad papunta sa kanyang table.

"May iaabot lang po akong letter," Magalang kong sabi saka inilapag ang puting letter sa kanyang lamesa. Bumagsak ang tingin niya doon at lalo akong kinabahan. Okay! This is not right! Buo ang desisyon ko! Dalawang buwan lang naman ang sinabi ko doon and it's not year or years! Ofia, you just need a break.

"What's this Miss Fabia?" Tanong ng Head namin habang binubuksan ang letter ko.

"A Leave of Absence letter, Ma'am." Nakita ko ang pagsulyap niya sa akin, Hindi nakatakas sakin ang pagtaas ng kanyang kilay.

"At bakit naman?" Tanong niya, I licked my lower lip, "The reason is stated on the letter."

"Alam mo naman na kailangan pa ng approval 'to ng nasa taas bago ka makapag-leave, di ba?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Sagot ko at pilit na ngumiti sa kanya. Alam ko iyon, but the thought of Callix knowing my request for a leave is horrifying. He would surely ask me a lot of questions. When I say a lot it means a lot of a lot!

But that's okay, I could answer his questions. All of them. Without dropping any name involved with this decision, I could do it flawlessly. I'm not Ofia Margo for nothing. Si Callix lang iyon, I could handle him. Kahit sabihin pa nating, I once loved that man, I was once hurt because of him. I would still treasure the friendship between us, The only thing that he could offer me, Friendship.