When I Stop Chasing

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Six

Chase

Waking up should be delightful, Less stress and more energized. But no, I think what happened to me is the exact opposite on what I have expected. I woke up with a very heavy feeling inside of me, Like the whole world were placed above my heart. And slowly... it's giving up because of tiredness.

I shut my eyes tightly, trying to go back to sleep. Ayoko pa magising, Because it's another day. And I'm going to face all my problems again. I just want to sleep all day, drift into sleep and dream about something impossible. Something that would never happen in my real life.

Can I just sleep all day and all night?

I groaned at lalong isiniksik ang sarili ko sa unan. I don't want to wake up yet but the burning feeling of the sun's light touching my skin is unbearable. Anong oras na ba at ganito na kainit ang sinag ng araw?

Malamig ang kwarto ngunit nakakapaso talaga ang sinag ng araw. The sunlight were touching my skin not softly but thoroughly. Nanunuot ang init nito sa aking kalamanan. Itinaas ko ang kumot para matakpan ang katawan ko mula sa init, I should probably change my curtain next time.

I closed my eye again trying hard to drift into sleep but... it's no use. Gising na gising na ata ang diwa ko. Damn it! Gusto ko pa matulog or better... ayaw ko pa magising!

Can I just sulk here all day and hide away from all of my problems?

Ano nga ba talaga kasi ang problema ko? It's simple. Si Jao.

Siya. Siya ang problema. Or it's safe to say, Ako ang problema.

Masyado nang magulo ang utak ko para isa-isahin lahat ng kagagahan na ginawa ko. Yes, you can say I used him to forget Callix but that thought was all on the start! I didn't thought of that thing when Jao and I get along! Hindi!

All I have for Jao is real. Hindi ito pilit, I did not forced myself to like or even love Jao because I want to get over from Callix. That's pathetic! And I'm not that pathetic! I would never play with my feelings!

The thought of using Jao to get over from Callix were just an idea, A stupid idea. At alam kong mali iyon. Kagagahan ang isipin iyon, At hindi ko iyon ginawa. If I liked Jao now it is because I like him. Walang ibang dahilan. Hindi ko siya nagustuhan dahil kailangan ko kalimutan si Callix, No!

Mali ako, Oo. But Jao... he didn't see it on my eyes how real I feel about him.

Maybe... just maybe he drown himself to the thought that I would never like or love him back. He made himself believe that I would always choose Callix over someone else. But I changed. I changed because of him.

Ofia Margo changed! He changed me, my principles... Lahat lahat. Kaya halos pag bagsakan ako ng langit at lupa nang sabihin niya na hindi totoo ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. How dare he!