When I Stop Chasing

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-One

Pay

"Stop, Ofia. We should stop this."

Bigla akong napaurong, Nanlamig ang tiyan ko. Horror covered my system, Something were already on my mind. Pero binabaliwala ko iyon. Hindi ko pinapansin, I don't like that idea. That idea is too absurd, That idea is such a bull.

Just thinking of that idea makes me cringe on my own, Makes me want to hold Jao's hand with mine. Makes me want to mark him as mine. Makes me want to wrapped my arms around him forever. Just thinking of that idea led me to different things, Those thing that I think will not bring any good to me—to us.

I looked at Jao, He welcomed my eyes with that stare. With that serious stare, It's been awhile since the last time I saw that. I gulped before speaking, I can almost hear the shakeness on my voice

"W-What are you talking about?" Tanong ko, I am damn afraid. Afraid of what he will say or what he will do. I am damn afraid of what's his decision. I'm afraid what are the words he's going to tell me, I'm afraid of him. I'm afraid of Jao. I'm afraid just because of him but why am I still hearing his name on my heartbeats?

This is the thing that I was afraid of from the very start, History repeated itself. The cut that it did was much deeper and much painful than before. Much destructive and much devastating than what I experienced on Callix before. This is the loophole, This what I was trying to avoid from the very start..... It's too late now.

"Ofia.... Stop." I balled my fist because I can feel that it was already shaking, I clenched my jaw and trying to be rational. I don't want the emotion rule me, I don't want my emotion rule this conversation. I wanted to be rational so I could say or do things that are justifiable.

Calm down, Ofia.

"What the hell, Jao!?" I exclaimed in frustration when I tried to come closer to him but he stepped backward away from me. He don't want me near him and that broke my heart. Slowly and slowly grinding the thing that beats on my chest.

"Language, Ofia." I gritted my teeth, "Bullshit!"

"Ofia." Seryoso na niyang sabi. I don't get him! Fuck!

"What the hell is your problem? Ano, Jao?! I don't get you! Why are you stopping me!? Why!?" Inis ko nang tanong, Nanginginig na ang labi ko habang sinisigaw iyon sa kanya. I wanted to shout at him with all my frustrations, The way he act at this moment, It only leads to one thing. There's already a thing on my mind but I still hopes that I'm wrong. I wanted to hope and I'm also sure that I'm hoping for an impossible.

"Because this is not right. This is all wrong. Kissing you is not right." I looked straight in his eyes. I wanted to search for his soul, I wanted to search for the Jao, I fell into. But I didn't found it, This is the lost Jao. This is not the Jao, I knew. This is not my Jao.

"You're crazy. Kung magdadrama ka, sana 'nung April Fools' nalang, It's not funny. So tell me, What the hell is your problem!?" Medyo tumaas na ang boses ko, Lalo kong kinuyom ang kamao ko. I can forsee where would this conversation ends and I am damn afraid if it will happen.