Selfish ~ Trevor Jackson

Scream

I sat down on the hard wooden floor and took a deep breath engulfing the silence surrounding me. Chris' court date had passed and he tested negative for a final time, meaning he would have Leanni for two months while I go on tour... Which starts tomorrow. I'd have to part with my only daughter for two months with someone I didn't trust at all, needless to say Leanni's lucky I love her because I would've been selfish as hell and told her she would have to stay with her grand mother.

While I stretched, a few tears fell from my eyes as I considered everything that could go wrong while I was gone. She could inhale marijuana smoke, she could be exposed to all kinds of things, like swearing, drinking... Or sex. I leaped up and ran out of the room. I couldn't just let my daughter go with him, he almost killed her and I damn sure don't trust him at all. He is not suitable--

"Woah slow down!" A voice shouted sweeping me into it's arms. Even though the tears in my eyes made the world indiscernible, I could still make out the person holding me.

"Trevor, let me go!" I shouted trying to get away.

"No, what's wrong?" He asked pulling me inside.

"Let go of me! I have to leave!" I sobbed. He held me closer and instinctively I buried my head into his chest letting out all emotions I held inside. I was shaking all over like a cold chihuahua and surprisingly Trevor was doing a great job at calming me down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He questioned softly.

I bit down on my lips and allowed him to wipe my tears with his hands. "When Leanni was three... I had to go out of the country to do a show and um... I got a call from Chris' mom telling me about a house fire. I was so confused, what fire?! And uhh... She said that Chris was high while he was taking care of Leanni and accidentally lit the house on fire with a blunt that was still burning... He was passed out... Leanni still has the scars on her legs from what happened and I just... I can't lose my daughter... She's the only person that really loves me. I know I don't show it, but I love her much, MUCH, more than she loves me,"

He held me tighter and rubbed my back while I finished crying. I didn't even mean to tell him what happened to Leanni, it just slipped. I had so much bottled up emotion that I wasn't too surprised that I had exploded so quickly and to Trevor of all people, but what I did next was a shock to everyone that knows me.

He knocked on Chris' door and held me tightly underneath his arm while I wiped a few newborn tears from underneath my eyes. "You're not gunna do anything crazy, right?" I asked looking up at him. "Nah, I just want you to talk to him," he replied. My eyes grew wide. Talk to him?! Hell no. I can't do this. Just before I went to run away, the door swung open and there stood Chris in all his tattooed glory standing an inch or two taller than Trevor.

Chris looked at me first, then Trevor, "What up?" He questioned looking back at me.

"She wants to talk," Trevor said forcing his way in. I gasped when I realized what he had done, Chris never had the best temper.

"I'm sure she can speak for herself and I'm sure I didn't tell you you could come in," Chris replied slamming the door. I was still tucked under Trevor's arm not standing as tall as they were, almost chest to chest.

"She wants to talk about Leanni," Trevor stated strongly.

"Uhh... What about her?" Chris inquired staring down at me. I looked around the condo, seeing that it was amazingly clean and then down at the floor.

"What if she stays at your moms place and you stay with her at your moms?" I queried, "I know those weren't the terms, but I'm just not feeling very comfortable with her being with you alone."

"Damn... I thought I did everything right... What if I say no?" He asked. Trevor tightened his grip on me for a little bit of encouragement and I cleared my throat before forcing my words out.

"Then you can't see her until I get back," I answered curling my lips to the side as if I had some confidence in what I was saying.

He smiled, "Fine." Chris was so manipulative, he knew that in order to get his way he would have to agree and would use it against me later if anything went wrong. And things always went wrong... I could feel it. I moved closer to Trevor and watched as they exchanged looks. I couldn't exactly read Trevor's face, but apparently it was amusing to Chris because he gazed down at me and smiled.

"This your new nigga?" He asked with a small smirk.

"No," I answered rolling my eyes.

"Shit. Could've fooled me," he replied sipping something from his red cup, "Relax it's water. Don't sue me." He winked at me and made his way to his bedroom.

"That's our cue to leave," I whispered to Trevor. He gave me a confused look and then motioned me to lead the way.

When we got into the car, Trevor didn't bother to turn it on. He just sat there and stared at the steering wheel. He shook his head a few times, looked at me, then back down at his lap.

"I just don't get it," he chuckled. I narrowed my eyes at him feeling the anger rise up inside of me. "I don't understand, Rihanna. You act so tough and so hard but just now you looked terrified." I swallowed and looked away from him. "Is it Chris? Does he scare you?"

"You're right, you don't get it," I croaked. I squeezed my eyes shut to retain my tears and wiggled my nose to keep from showing any anger while Trevor stared at me in disbelief.

"You are one of the biggest mysteries I've ever had to deal with," he replied with a sigh.

"What does that mean?!" I shouted whipping my head around.

"It means exactly what I said! One minute you seem to not care about anyone but yourself and the next minute you're this sensitive puppy!" He yelled.

"You don't know shit about me, Trevor. And I plan to keep it that way," I responded pointing a finger in his face.

"The more you talk, the more I find out about you,"

"Fuck you,"

"You're a real piece of freakin' work,"

"No one's askin' you to deal with me!! You're the one all in my face all the time!!"

"Here you are all selfish and bitchy again."

I stared at him for a few seconds and then unbuckled my seat belt angrily. I kicked the door of his black Cadillac open and climbed out of his car. "WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'!!!" He slammed his door shut and followed behind me quickly.

"I'm walkin' my ass home!!" I shrieked pushing him away from me.

"You live on the other side of town!!" He hollered back.

"I don't give a fuck!!" I bellowed starting to jog away. He grabbed me by my arms forcefully and pulled me against him so that we were chest to chest. He looked into my eyes with a look I couldn't identify and before I knew it, he crushed his lips against mine and lingered there for a few seconds. My knees instantaneously turned into jelly and I melted into his strong arms while he did all the work. God he just felt so...

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!!" I screamed slapping him in the face. I wiped my lips and spit onto the ground violently as I gagged repeatedly. I walked away from him still spitting and gagging whilst I called myself a cab. I couldn't believe he kissed me. He KISSED me. Trevor Jackson KISSED me. And... I almost let him... I'm going straight to hell.

After getting my car from the dance studio, I picked Leanni up from school and we spent the night packing our things together and watching movies with Chinese food. I actually had a good time with her for once. Now, I was dropping Leanni off at Mrs Brown's house... Ya see I didn't actually tell Lee Lee that there's been a change of plans, so I was waiting to hear her pitch a fit.

"Mommy, I thought--" she started.

"I know, I know... You'll be staying with your grandma until I get back," I said cutting her off.

"NO!!!! I WANT MY DADDY!!!" She shrieked. Heads popped out from all places inside of the tour bus. Aw hell nah, she was not about to embarrass me!

"YOUR FATHER IS INSIDE OF THE HOUSE ALRIGHT!!! HE'S STAYING THERE WITH YOU!!!" I shouted pointing my finger in her face. She let out an angry shrill and stamped her foot. Before she could fold her arms, I grabbed her by the elbow and tossed her bag over my shoulder. She began to kick and scream like some three year old and my grip on her tightened as I dragged her off of the bus. "Chris, come get this child!!" I yelled as I pulled her up the front steps. The door opened and her screaming quickly stopped.

"Listen to your mother! You know I don't play that!" He shrieked grabbing her by her collar. I let go and watched as her nose turned red and her chest heaved up and down. "Say goodbye and take yo ass in the house." She gave me a hug and whispered 'I love you' before running into the house. I handed Chris her things and then turned on my heels before he could say something to me.

When I climbed onto the bus, I could tell that Trevor had his eyes on me with that stupid smirk on his stupid face. I put my hands on my hips, my calloused heart now angry and clenched my jaw.

"You've said bye to Leanni now everyone on your own damn buses," I commanded clapping my hands loudly. I motioned for everyone to hurry up as they brushed past me to get to the door. Not to anyone's surprise, Trevor was last to get off. He lingered in front of me shaking his head, he looked into my eyes, and stepped closer to me with the same unidentifiable look on his face. "What?"

"You're just going to pretend it didn't happen?" He questioned.

"Pretend what didn't happen?" I queried with a dumb look on my face.

"Don't play dumb," he growled.

"Off my bus. Now," I snarled raising an eye brow in a challenging manner. He looked down at my chest and then back at my eyes and shook his head before climbing off of my bus. The door slammed shut causing the entire bus to shake, indicating that he was angry.

I grasped at the necklace dangling around my neck and ran my fingers down to the charm that hung against my chest. What did he expect? Did he think I was going to ask him to be mine forever like we were in a cliche romantic comedy or something? I have more things to worry about than some silly ass backup dancer whom I really hated still; even more so since he kissed me. I wouldn't say I necessarily kissed him back, I would say that my reaction time was just... Late. That isn't lying though, right?