Selfish ~ Trevor Jackson

The Truth

I panicked.

I didn't know what to do.

I shook him over and over and called out his name and he was unresponsive.

I put my ear to his chest again and listened.

His heart was barely beating.

I whimpered at the broken glass that was stabbing into my palms and shook him some more. He didn't move, but a puddle of blood started forming around us. Breathing heavily, I jumped up and ran through the broken glass to his phone that was resting on the table.

I dialed 9-1-1, whimpering again at the bloody fingerprints I was leaving all over his phone and the table. I was unsure who's blood it was all over me, mine or Trevor's, but either way it was going to traumatize me.

I could feel the effects already, I was trembling all over and felt sick to my stomach. All I could hear was the crash and the sound of his body hitting the floor, then my wail in horror. My throat was sore and I could tell I had damaged my vocal chords pretty badly.

"9-1-1 what's your emergency?" A voice asked.

"I need a medic. My boyfriend just passed out or something and his heart is barely beating," I said as frantic but calm as possible.

"What's the address?" The operator asked. I shouted to her his address and then ran back over to Trevor to check on him. I put my ear to his chest and screamed into the phone and sobbing like a white girl in a scary movie.

"HIS HEART ISN'T BREATHING!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?! HURRY THE FUCK UP!!!" I shrieked.

"Help is on the way, ma'am," she said. I wanted to slap the life out of her. One, for sounding so calm and nonchalant about my current dilemma. Two, for saying they're on their way. They should have kicked the door down by now!!

I can't count how many times I tried to listen to his hear beat, try to get a heartbeat out of him or how many times I looked to the heavens and shouted a prayer for a pulse.

There was a pounding at the door and I took my knees out of the glass and blood and sprinted to the door. I opened it without hesitation and the EMT's rushed in with all of their supplies. "The kitchen, the kitchen!!" I screamed. I hung up and tossed the phone to the side.

I stood in the entrance of the kitchen with tears running down my cheeks watching them hook the defibrillator to Trevor's heart and sides. My hands were clasped together and I watched as they stood back and waited for the defibrillator to do it's job.

Trevor's body shook and quaked as the millions of volts of electricity struck through his entire being. "Please, God, let him live," I cried. I watched his limbs and the EMT's at his side who looked like they dealt with this kind of thing everyday. They were so nonchalant about the fact that it didn't work, I was hysterical on the other hand.

They started it again.

It failed.

They tried once more.

Same results.

"One more time," one of the EMT's said to the other. I sobbed harder.

They started it back up.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

My heart was pounding and I could hardly breathe myself. I felt light headed and like I was going to pass out, but held myself up as long as I could selflessly. I just wanted Trevor to be alive and to take everything I said about him back. Everything.