Selfish ~ Trevor Jackson

Are The Dramatics Necessary

When we got back to the house, it was exactly like I expected it to be like when I first came. Full of life, full of joy, and full of people.

There were cars parked in the driveway and scattering down the street, on the grass, and on the sidewalk. You could hear the laughter exploding out of the house when you turned the corner and that filled me with anticipation.

I yearned for the home I never had, full of happiness. Don't get me wrong, it was full of people and full of laughter, but it was all fake. My family was pretty phony and artificial. They faked it whenever we had company. Just so people wouldn't look at us weird.

We were already a huge family living in the projects of Brooklyn. We were supposed to be unhappy.

My mom had an obsession with portraying herself to be this model of perfection and the most comfortable and happy person, when that wasn't really how she felt on the inside.

On the inside she was begging for another life. To be reincarnated and end up in a good position in life. Somewhere in Long Island in the 'burbs with only three kids and a dog. That feeling rubbed off on my sisters.

But not me. I was comfortable, until I fell in love with music. When that happened, everything changed. For the better, I wouldn't be here if I didn't realize that I had a passion for music, and for the worse, I felt unloved and unwanted.

Ian and Trevor talked and talked and talked the whole walk home, while I just sat and had an awkward conversation with Chaz, the guy from earlier that I didn't get introduced to, and turns out he was their cousin.

That puzzled me, though. Why would someone disregard their own family and not introduce their kin to their significant other?

We stepped inside and I tried to make my way to the bedroom to change into something that wasn't suffocating me with heat, but Leanni instantly wanted my attention.

"Mommy, I made some cake! Want some?" She asked excitedly.

"Yes, go make me a plate. I'm gunna go change," I answered. I let go of the fact that she was covered in icing and tried to walk away. But, Trevor started introducing me to people.

"Hi," "Hello," "How are you?" I'm fine," "Thank you," "Nice to meet you," "I really like your hair," "Three months, but it feels like forever."

I started to feel overwhelmed by the amount of family members in the room and the distractions and all of their questions they were asking me. I just wanted to go change my clothes and they were holding me up.

It was like the line of cousins, aunts, uncles, and family friends never ended. Like it could wrap around the entire Earth five times.

I looked over at Trevor. He was smiling harder, wider, and brighter than I had ever witnessed. He gave Leanni a similar smile and gave me something a little less than the one he gave her, but this one just seemed like something was being filled inside of him.

His hand on my shoulder and the other eating cake out of his hand probably calmed me down some more. "Why didn't you just get a plate?" I asked wiping the corner of his mouth.

"Leanni said she couldn't find any plates so she just put it in my hand," he answered. "You have cake on your face."

"How do I have cake on my face when I haven't had any?" I questioned. He smeared a little on my cheek with a goofy laugh.

"Now you do," he replied. I laughed and smashed his hand into his nose. He started laughing even harder and then planted a kiss on my lips. "I would lick it off your cheek, but my mom's in the room."