Selfish ~ Trevor Jackson

Eyes Open

"So... Are you mad?" I asked biting my nails. He looked at me and shook his head exasperatedly before walking towards the bathroom. I'll take that as a yes...

"I'll text you when I'm on my way home," he said from behind the bathroom door. I sat down on the bed and folded my arms. I shouldn't have been so stupid... Now he's mad at me.

I was so close to picking up my phone and cussing Katrina out it wasn't even funny. She talked me into it, more so reinforced the stupid idea I had in my head. But still she fucked up just as much as I did.

When he left, I immediately called Kat (I was a little more calm) and then got into the car to pick up Leanni from school. She didn't answer the first time, but she finally answered the third time I called her.

"What, bitch, I'm working?!" She almost yelled into the phone.

"You son of a bitch, Trevor's not gay!!" I shrieked.

"What?! Are you serious?!" She questioned.

"He's just waiting until marriage," I answered sighing exasperatedly.

"Well shit..."

"I know."

"That's a long time to wait."

"I wasn't really concerned about that..."

"I mean, you do know what that means right?"

"No... Not really."

"That means he has every intention of marrying you at some point."

"I-- what?! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not ready for that!! Marriage?! Fuck that shit!"

"Well, girl, haven't you thought about the fact that we're not in high school anymore and you have a child? You can't just... Date because you want to."

"Yes, yes I can."

"So Leanni's going to meet a bunch of men that are your temporary boyfriends. Weren't you the one with an attitude when you found out that Leanni was being exposed to a different ho Chris was fucking for that week?"

"Yeah, but I'm not--"

"You may not be fucking Trevor, but you'll be fucking the next one. Since you don't plan on marrying Trevor."

"Why do you do this?"

"Do what?"

"Have me thinking about shit I never even considered. I was perfectly fine not realizing that Trevor wants to get married."

"Better me than him, right?"

I sighed into the receiver and told her that I would speak to her later. I was at Leanni's school. She looked happy to be holding her book bag against her back and even more happy that I was waiting for her in my car, something I hadn't done in a while.

She hopped into the backseat and strapped herself in greeting me pleasantly. She began to chit chat about how much fun school was and how excited her friends were that she was going to be at the Father Daughter dance like they were.

That made my heart flutter. I wanted my daughter to be happy and it amazed me how childish I was about being a mom. I felt like I had grown a lot. From always yelling and screaming and acting like she was my little sister instead of my child to being calmer and treating her the way a parent should.

Lost all in my thoughts, I realized I was tuning her out and felt quite sheepish for going off on a tangent about myself. Then I remembered that I had court the next day and Leanni had to be there.