Selfish ~ Trevor Jackson

Moving on

I don't normally start a chapter off with a message, but just wanted to let you guys know that I'm changing the amount of time Trevor has to live. Instead of an exact time, he doesn't know how long he has to live because actually it can't be estimated. This book is as realistic as I can get it, so I want to keep this is accurate as I possibly can.

I researched the disease just a bit more and found out that actually you can't estimate it because the adrenal gland relies partially on stress levels and the tumor size changes based on that...

So basically the patient can either live their whole life with minor tumor complications where they might be in the hospital for a few days/weeks or they could die from the tumor growing to an inhabitable size. So I mean... Yeah. I think this change fits nicely with all that I have in store for the rest of this book, it's far from over actually. Sex scene is coming soon... Just wait on it... Onto the chapter.

I started with Chris, just because I thought he would be easier.

I did try to back out of it a month ago, but Dr. Lovelace told me not to come back until I did what she told me to. Kat and Sean kind of had to kick my ass into gear so that I could start moving on with Trevor.

Trevor, based off of what Sean told me, was still seeing Dr. Lovelace and his progress was amazing. Sean wouldn't tell me what he was mending within himself but as long as Trevor's benefiting from this, I'm happy.

Trevor and I ran into each other a few times every week at the studio and Dr. Lovelace said it was okay for Leanni and Trevor to go hang out and do things together despite the fact that he and I weren't allowed to go on dates. I felt like I was ready for that, but according to her I wasn't.

So here I was putting on a full face of makeup for dinner with Christopher. I prepared a normal meal, spaghetti and meatballs and hid all the alcohol I owned.

I was dressed in a simple navy blue v-neck sweater and dark jeans. I had on silver hoops and a diamond Rolex with my hair falling on my shoulders in messy curls. I tried to make this as casual as possible so he wouldn't know what was up. I didn't need him trying to manipulate me out of the situation.

I applied some lipgloss on top of my bronzey nude lip and fluffed my hair some. I felt like I was ready for this, but a part of me knew I wasn't and was begging me to call it off.

I mean, I didn't know what to expect. I had wrote down what I was going to say to him and rehearsed it several times, but I still felt like I was unprepared. So therefore I had no idea what to expect.

An internal battle took place inside of me, both parts of me arguing about what to do to tackle this tough situation. I did things to try and relax but nothing was working. I was cleaning and fixing my hair and makeup and texting Kat and anything else I could think of, but when I thought I was chill and ready, I wasn't.

The doorbell rang.

I looked at my reflection in angst. My heart started pounding and my palms perspired heavily.

I had to face my demons one by one.

And here's the first.

I started towards my stash of alcohol, but then stopped myself. I knew it wouldn't help the situation, so I turned towards the door and forced myself to open it.

I checked the peep hole briefly and saw Christopher standing there as expected. I exhaled before finally opening the door. A bad feeling settled in the pit of my stomach as I looked at him in his Black Pyramid tee shirt and jeans.

"Hey," he greeted putting his hand out to shake. I artificially smiled and took it carefully.

"Hello," I said. He stared at me and I stared at him for a few moments, we identified all the emotions in the other's eyes.